Five Minute Friday: Mercy

5-minute-friday-1I am painfully aware my blog has not been updated in over a month.

There have been no words here or anywhere. At least not written.

Thoughts and snippets of ideas and conversations with myself rumble around in my head, keeping me up at night, pushing me to the edge during the day, but never make it to the page. I feel a bit trapped in my body. I do not remember the exact moment of disconnection, or the exact last breath of creativity and personal expression. But at some point this summer, I stepped away from myself. I filled my days taking care of people and things. I wasted time with lots of business but not much substance, telling myself “right now is just not my season“.

But that’s what moms are supposed to do, right? The role of wife and mother is about sacrifice and service. Yet, each time I sat down to write, or even thought about writing, bitterness churned my stomach, and the sour taste of vexation burned my throat.
I was wrapped up in the selfish question of, “When is it my turn?”, keeping the fire of resentment burning.

Instead of pouring over the day’s lesson plan one more time, or throwing another load of laundry in the wash, I decided to enjoy a steaming mug of coffee in the dark this morning. I buried myself in blankets and listened to the quiet of a sleeping house.

One question surfaced, “why not now?”

With no expectations of writing today, I decided to at least read a few of my favorite blogs. Ironic then, that the word mercy would be today’s Five Minute Friday prompt. The definition of mercy is compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm.

I let the word mercy sink in a little and then suddenly gave myself permission again to take a break from everyone else. It was okay to spend time with myself without feeling guilty.  I needed to be reminded to show myself little mercies throughout the day and not dwell on unfinished tasks. It was time to forgive my weaknesses and move on.

“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”  – Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray


14 thoughts on “Five Minute Friday: Mercy

  1. A piece of me is missing when I don’t write–which I haven’t been, because the whole “mom” thing has taken precedent. My children are growing so quickly I’m trying to absorb every moment, though without recording them to words, the exact details will slip my memory in time.

    Do what you must and if it is writing, then write. If it “momming” then mom. 🙂

    At least until we can create multiple clones.

  2. I’m visiting today from Five Minute Friday. I understand the season you are in, it wasn’t long ago that I too was feeling overwhelmed by my daily life as wife and mother. No written words came from me during that time, it was sad and yet I couldn’t muster the courage to sit at the computer and share my struggles (not even with God). I hope this will be a courageous return and that writing may again find a season in your heart.

  3. Your struggle is one well known to mothers! I have recently spent time in a season of healing and have found that if I do not take time for myself… I am not good for others! Even Jesus LEFT the crowd of NEEDY people on numerous occassions to be with the Father and feed his soul! I take that example to heart! And I have been blessed. Glad you are here today. I pray you are refreshed and encouraged!

  4. This is beautiful, Emily. We all get weary and even forget to receive His new mercy from time-to-time. Mothering is not for the feint of heart. I’m so glad you wrote today. I enjoyed it. Keep on keeping on, use your gifts, receive His mercy, and don’t think of your writing as necessarily doing something for yourself, but think of it as pouring a gift out to others who will be blessed by it. You’ve blessed me today. Have a wonderful weekend!

  5. I think that is one of the biggest struggles of a mom. We need some time to ourselves and yet we always feel so guilty to take it. I’m glad you had a few moments with your coffee and keyboard this morning 🙂

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