Five Minute Friday: Again

5-minute-friday-1I’ve been here before, sitting on the bottom of the shower, clutching my stomach. It has been a while.

The steamy water pelts my back, pushing out the very last drop. Dinner never tastes good the second time around.

For a few weeks I have been sipping, tasting, salivating over forbidden foods. Foods that I gave up months ago. But they were just too tempting. And I am weak. Again.

Last night was the last straw, the bubble bursting temptation. Hot and salty garlic bread-sticks, fresh from the Italian take-out down the street. One couldn’t be that bad.

Or two.

Or three.

Maybe four.

They melted in my mouth, butter covering my finger tips. Unfortunately, 30 minutes later I was vomiting in the shower, just as many times. There is a reason I had to give up gluten. It’s not a fashion statement or a trendy lifestyle. It makes me sick. My joints ache. My body bloats. Headaches and fatigue hit me unexpectedly. I can’t sleep. My depression deepens. Forgetfulness becomes paralyzing and then there is the stomach clutching, body-doubling contractions emptying the entire contents of my gut.

I am jealous of my family eating pizza delivery and fresh bagels. I crave cinnamon rolls and biscuits. I have trouble finding anything quite as comforting as a grilled cheese sandwich on soft, white Texas toast. But sitting on the shower floor, knees tucked, arms shaking, wet from water and sweat, is no way to live.

I’ll have to start over, again.

9 thoughts on “Five Minute Friday: Again

  1. wow… thank you for sharing. i love your blog look by the way. It must be so difficult to stay away from those things.. but such a reminder to me to.. i struggle with food also. i can have it but i can’t seem to limit it. ha! so thank you for this reminder!

  2. I’m sorry to hear you can’t tolerate gluten. I’m seeing more gluten-free items in the grocery store, and well-marked packages. It’s tough making those lifestyle changes. I hope better options becoming available lessens the attraction of those that make you so ill. One of our daughter’s friends who can’t tolerate gluten brought quinoa mac & cheese to Thanksgiving dinner. It was wonderful!

  3. Starting again is hard, but praise God you have an instruction book and the One who wrote it to lead you as you go…praying He gives you strength from here. “I can do all things…” Philippians 4:13

  4. Visiting you from 5 Minute Friday. This is such a powerful post, and beautifully written. I think anyone can relate with whatever they are struggling with – a forbidden food, a sin, a thought – we all go back to it like it was dripping with butter, and then suffer the consequences. Such a good reminder. Great writing!!

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