The steamy water pelts my back, pushing out the very last drop. Dinner never tastes good the second time around.
For a few weeks I have been sipping, tasting, salivating over forbidden foods. Foods that I gave up months ago. But they were just too tempting. And I am weak. Again.
Last night was the last straw, the bubble bursting temptation. Hot and salty garlic bread-sticks, fresh from the Italian take-out down the street. One couldn’t be that bad.
They melted in my mouth, butter covering my finger tips. Unfortunately, 30 minutes later I was vomiting in the shower, just as many times. There is a reason I had to give up gluten. It’s not a fashion statement or a trendy lifestyle. It makes me sick. My joints ache. My body bloats. Headaches and fatigue hit me unexpectedly. I can’t sleep. My depression deepens. Forgetfulness becomes paralyzing and then there is the stomach clutching, body-doubling contractions emptying the entire contents of my gut.
I am jealous of my family eating pizza delivery and fresh bagels. I crave cinnamon rolls and biscuits. I have trouble finding anything quite as comforting as a grilled cheese sandwich on soft, white Texas toast. But sitting on the shower floor, knees tucked, arms shaking, wet from water and sweat, is no way to live.
I’ll have to start over, again.