She had every right to be upset. I should have given her a “heads up” that I had written a blog post highlighting an off-hand comment, a comment that wasn’t directed at me, just in my presence. It only stung, because it is something that I struggle with and judge myself often.
That’s the thing about my friendships, I surround myself with a diverse group of women. There are a handful of women that are very similar to me, we gravitate to one another, I think, because we help each other feel normal. We relate on the everyday issues. We understand what makes us tick, because we operate the same way. Then there are those friends in our lives that teach us compassion and give us opportunities to serve others without judgement because maybe they need us just a little more than we need them.
But many of my friends are what I would consider “above me”, meaning they have one or more qualities that I wish I either possessed or was better equipped. They are the friends that teach me not to just say I’m going to do something, but actually do it. They push me beyond my comfort level, help me to see my true potential, and even give me a vision I might not have had before. Most often, they are the friends that encourage me to shape my life in a way that is more efficient or rewarding. They only problem with having so many friends in this camp, is that sometimes I get jealous. Sometimes, I start thinking I will never be like them, and then I struggle with resentment, turning even the most harmless comment into a personal attack.
And that is what I was trying to highlight in my last memoir post, not my friend’s comment, but rather, my insecurity. What she said, and how she said it, were not meant to be mean, but since it was something I struggle with, it hurt. The point I was trying to make, albeit not very effectively, was that I finally just needed to accept myself for who I am, flaws and all.
So, I publicly apologize to my friend for taking her comment too personally, because I know in certainty, that she has never purposely tried to make me feel small.
I do that all by myself.