My very public apology – blogging and friendships are tricky

She had every right to be upset. I should have given her a “heads up” that I had written a blog post highlighting an off-hand comment, a comment that wasn’t directed at me, just in my presence. It only stung, because it is something that I struggle with and judge myself often.

That’s the thing about my friendships, I surround myself with a diverse group of women. There are a handful of women that are very similar to me, we gravitate to one another, I think, because we help each other feel normal. We relate on the everyday issues. We understand what makes us tick, because we operate the same way. Then there are those friends in our lives that teach us compassion and give us opportunities to serve others without judgement because maybe they need us just a little more than we need them.

But many of my friends are what I would consider “above me”, meaning they have one or more qualities that I wish I either possessed or was better equipped. They are the friends that teach me not to just say I’m going to do something, but actually do it. They push me beyond my comfort level, help me to see my true potential, and even give me a vision I might not have had before. Most often, they are the friends that encourage me to shape my life in a way that is more efficient or rewarding. They only problem with having so many friends in this camp, is that sometimes I get jealous. Sometimes, I start thinking I will never be like them, and then I struggle with resentment, turning even the most harmless comment into a personal attack.

And that is what I was trying to highlight in my last memoir post, not my friend’s comment, but rather, my insecurity. What she said, and how she said it, were not meant to be mean, but since it was something I struggle with, it hurt. The point I was trying to make, albeit not very effectively, was that I finally just needed to accept myself for who I am, flaws and all.

So, I publicly apologize to my friend for taking her comment too personally, because I know in certainty, that she has never purposely tried to make me feel small.

I do that all by myself.

6 thoughts on “My very public apology – blogging and friendships are tricky

  1. This essay mirrors much of my own life. The myth that women naturally makes friends, easily, and do all kinds of girl-stuff together, are bffs, etc. is just that, a myth. I teach a woman’s Sunday School class and it’s clear the women struggle with finding others who are willing to give the time, effort, love, and patience that a friendship needs. We are far too busy with being everything to everyone. As a college professor working with a campus ministry, I also see that young women (college-age) are limited in friends and expect their boyfriends to be all-in-all. Although I appreciate the career opportunities the women’s movement have given us, I am saddened to see young women burdened with even more unfortunate misconceptions about their roles than we had 40 years ago.

  2. Thank you for your public apolgy — I appreciate it. We are our worst critics and though we are constantly reminding our kids not to compare themselves to others, we also need reminding : ) You write as though your house is a disaster — it’s not, I’ve been there. I love you no matter what and am so glad that DW found you — otherwise we’d still think he was gay — lol!!

    1. LOL! Now that would make a good blog post…the single guy who lived behind you with a male roommate and then suddenly showed up with a wife. Hmmm, mail order bride perhaps? No, I’m not that exotic. I’m also glad you were his neighbor, or else we would have never met.

  3. I think it took a lot of courage to write this post. Good for you with the courage. But as far as beating yourself up over the post, don’t. You are entitled to your feelings and your thoughts. You wrote that in a way that it WAS about you and how the comment affected YOU. I think you did a great job with that post too.

  4. I recognise my own viewpoint in your description of friends. I also think that there was nothing amiss in your previous post, your friend was probably taken aback that you had taken her words one way (probably one she had never intended or would think of) but you gave her the benefit and security of anonymity. (Spelling fails me, please feel free to correct). You and her both appreciate the context of the comment in your relationships and lives whether or not your readers don’t. Their comments may reflect a different picture and response but it is neither yours or your friend’s reality. Your post was merely a personal reflection on how you perceived and perceive, as you describe it, an off-hand comment and your response to that perception not a judgement on her, her comment or anything else. Don’t fret. 🙂

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