Some days I wake up and ask “WHY?”

Just as in love today as we were eleven years ago.

It’s hard to believe that in four short years we will be paying for college. Then four years after that, we will start paying college for a second child. The reality of that sunk in last night at dinner with DW. We were celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary.

“So what do you think our life will be like in another eleven years?” I asked walking through the parking lot, a belly full of Moscato and blackened swordfish.

“Quiet,” he responded.

The Hare completed 4th grade this year

In eleven years we will be 50 and 51. Our children will be 25 and 21. There won’t be the daily grind of homework, after school activities, sports, and bedtime. Sleep overs and play dates will be nearly forgotten. It will be quieter for DW, but there are many days that I experience that stillness already. And it’s not just when they are at school, for instance, today is our first day of summer vacation and neither child is home. They have abandoned me to play with their friends.

Abandoned.

Some days I wake up and ask, “Why?”

  • Why did I bother to finish college if I wasn’t going to work?
  • Why did I choose being home over working?
  • Why didn’t I realize some days would be so lonely? Or boring?
  • Why did I give up so many years to serve my family rather than find my own passions?
The Tortoise finished 8th grade

The girls decided to bunk up in the same room last night for some reason, each taking a twin bed in The Hare’s room. The floor was cluttered with Legos and Polly Pockets, making it hard to get to each child. But I made it, only bruising a couple of toes. I pulled the sheets up to each sweet face, kissing them goodnight.

“I love you mom,” whispered one.

“Thank you for everything,” whispered the other.

“See you in the morning,” they whispered together.

My children are my why.

My husband is my why.

They are what motivate me to be a better person, to think outside the box, to strive for excellence and to not dwell too much on myself. They have taught me about grace, patience, forgiveness, and unconditional love. It is because of them that I enjoy life, and  even want to plan a future. So for all the times I think I am lonely, bored or wasting my time I need to remember how important I am in their lives.

I need to remember the “I love you’s” and the “thank you’s” because at the end of each day, I truly can’t wait to see them all in the morning.

Today I am linking up with

Next week’s Prompt:

How do you live like a champion?

Or…How could you?

10 thoughts on “Some days I wake up and ask “WHY?”

  1. This made me cry – it sounds like your kids are about the same age range as mine – mine will be 5 grades apart. And I love that they are your WHY – some days (like today) when they’re just in my face all day long (my 4 year old has asked me over 100 questions i’m sure), I remember “this too shall pass” and someday our house will be all too quiet too – like your husband said.

  2. So very sweet! I ask myself those very same questions and usually (on the good days) come up with the same answer. 🙂 Great post!

  3. Happy Anniversary Emily! (And yum, moscato!)
    There are always questions, aren’t there, no matter what journey we end up taking? But that moment you described? The girls hanging out together, quietly wishing you goodnight, that’s an amazing why.

  4. This is beautiful 🙂
    I think for my parents, that realisation has already come. In two years I will be finishing school and heading to uni. My sister is already through that system and in work; my brother’s halfway through his own course. I’m the youngest, and every milestone I pass makes them feel a lot older. Their youngest kid’s growing up! It’s weird for them. I’m at the other end of the emotion – I’m not feeling it, I’m living it – so I can only imagine what it’s like.

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