It’s hard to believe that in four short years we will be paying for college. Then four years after that, we will start paying college for a second child. The reality of that sunk in last night at dinner with DW. We were celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary.
“So what do you think our life will be like in another eleven years?” I asked walking through the parking lot, a belly full of Moscato and blackened swordfish.
“Quiet,” he responded.
In eleven years we will be 50 and 51. Our children will be 25 and 21. There won’t be the daily grind of homework, after school activities, sports, and bedtime. Sleep overs and play dates will be nearly forgotten. It will be quieter for DW, but there are many days that I experience that stillness already. And it’s not just when they are at school, for instance, today is our first day of summer vacation and neither child is home. They have abandoned me to play with their friends.
Some days I wake up and ask, “Why?”
- Why did I bother to finish college if I wasn’t going to work?
- Why did I choose being home over working?
- Why didn’t I realize some days would be so lonely? Or boring?
- Why did I give up so many years to serve my family rather than find my own passions?
The girls decided to bunk up in the same room last night for some reason, each taking a twin bed in The Hare’s room. The floor was cluttered with Legos and Polly Pockets, making it hard to get to each child. But I made it, only bruising a couple of toes. I pulled the sheets up to each sweet face, kissing them goodnight.
“I love you mom,” whispered one.
“Thank you for everything,” whispered the other.
“See you in the morning,” they whispered together.
My children are my why.
My husband is my why.
They are what motivate me to be a better person, to think outside the box, to strive for excellence and to not dwell too much on myself. They have taught me about grace, patience, forgiveness, and unconditional love. It is because of them that I enjoy life, and even want to plan a future. So for all the times I think I am lonely, bored or wasting my time I need to remember how important I am in their lives.
I need to remember the “I love you’s” and the “thank you’s” because at the end of each day, I truly can’t wait to see them all in the morning.
Today I am linking up with