Pour Your Heart Out: I don’t really like running

Wednesday Link Up

In three weeks I will be doing my best to refrain from either anxiety driven or flat-out exertion induced vomiting while running my first half-marathon.  This last month has also proven to be more challenging to stay on my running schedule. School is almost out, and suddenly there seems to be an over abundance of projects, volunteer opportunities and activities getting in the way of my goal. My last run was a 2.25 mile tempo run, almost a week ago. My body and mind are going through running withdrawal. Now fear is creeping in, a fear of failure and foolishness.

“Wow, you must really like running,” is a common phrase I hear, especially if I tell them that I am training for a long run.

The truth is, I really don’t like it at all. My muscles ache, my joints are sore, my back has broken out in disgusting acne, my toes are deformed from all of the blisters bursting and reforming, and to be perfectly honest, the chaffing in my more “delicate” areas has been rather uncomfortable.

However, what I do like is the feeling after I have completed a run. I made this commitment to myself out of desperation. Acidic depression had eaten through my self-esteem, leaving me with a feeling of vulnerability and lack of control. I was at the mercy of my emotions. Running has given me control over my body. I can work through the physical and mental pain, knowing there is an end. Every step is closer to a goal.

My lack of running this past week seems to be in correlation to my mood. It has been harder to find motivation than time, because honestly, there is always time, somewhere. Today I met with my personal trainer and small fitness group. It has been almost two weeks since we’ve worked out together. I dreaded the minutes on the road, picturing myself drinking another cup of coffee and reading blog posts. A half hearted smile was all I could muster to greet my small group. My body moaned and whined for the first few minutes. I just pushed through it, ignoring the trembling fatigue, until the hour was completed.

Now I feel optimistic again, mentally and physically strong, in control and proud of reaching a goal, finishing something I started.

I guess it is really true when people say, “Fake it, until you make it.”

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8 thoughts on “Pour Your Heart Out: I don’t really like running

  1. Good for you for continuing to work toward your goal!!! Personally, I’m not a runner… between my asthma & *a-hem* large chest… my body says no. I always tell people that if they see me running, they better run too because I am probably being chased by a lion or bear. Maybe you just need to tie some steak around your waist and run past the zoo to get you motivated? HA! Best of luck to you!

  2. I also hate running and swore I’d never do any kind of long-distance running event… until recently. Even people who say they don’t like running talk about it in a way that makes me see it as so therapeutic. Keep at it and good luck with your half-marathon!

  3. I hate my strength class at the gym.

    Hate it.

    I often gaze at the class, counting down to when class ends.

    But the feeling I have at the end of the class–the accomplishment–that is why I do it.

    Plus it does wonderful things to my arms and legs that just doing the “fun” classes doesn’t.

    I still go every Monday I’m in town (without sick kids) even though I dread it. I try to use the heaviest weights I can and push my body to exhaustion.

    I don’t like the process, but I the results make me feel damn good.

    You can do this marathon. You can take control.

    Anyone who can run 9 miles and then do a Zumba class that night, is pretty damn amazing. 🙂

  4. fake it til you make it, that’s the truth! even though you don’t love it? I’m glad you’re still doing it – for those benefits you mentioned.

  5. It boggles my mind that school’s out already on your side of the pond. Even for private school kids there’s another month over here, and for people at state school like myself, holidays don’t start until around the 20th July (though I’m in my final year of compulsory school, so I get an earlier finish – 20th June is my last exam).
    I think I see what you’re saying here. I have the same thing in ballet, except that I really love dancing. But I often find it hard to find the motivation to keep going when it hurts – learning to do that has taught me a lot, and enabled me to keep writing when things are hard too! I also find that doing something physical takes my mind off other problems and so can be a great de-stresser.

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