Somedays it’s harder to feel like enough

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Today, I feel like

the meanest mom

a half-ass housekeeper

a recreational writer

a novice runner

an ungrateful stay-at-home mom

a mediocre cook

a negligent friend

and an unattractive woman.

The last fourteen days have been an absolute blur, days and nights intermingling, blending seamlessly. I’ve chaperoned a four-day excursion to Cheboygen with six fourteen year old girls and one other mom, facilitated a swim birthday party for The Hare, helped run a dress rehearsal for The Tortoise’s musical, and hosted my in-laws for five days. Today and tomorrow I am babysitting an eight month old little boy, who is currently fighting sleep, just picked up The Tortoise from school, due to an upset stomach, and need to start packing to leave for a writing conference in Dallas.

Breathing feels like effort right now.

I just want to sit and stare out the window, wait for the chaos to pass, and revel in some solitary moments. The Prozac seems less effective lately and unfortunately I missed my last visit with my doctor. Someone was sick, and it wasn’t me. Obviously, I will call today and reschedule, but in the interim, I need to find the space in between, the space that feels more like indifference than sadness so I can get through the week.

Because hopefully, by the end of the week, I will feel like enough again.

9 thoughts on “Somedays it’s harder to feel like enough

  1. And I think she even borrowed a pair of her granny’s once! LOL. Sorry you are in the dumps, Dear. Just remember that even people not on meds suffer those feelings, too, so it is perfectly natural. It’s called Life. I agree that Wednesday should be a pamper yourself day. Need me to come and take you to lunch? Wish I were going to that conference with you. Enjoy!

  2. I’ve been here. A Lot!

    I swear some days it’s like I’m just trying to make it to the next day, hour, minute even.

    Just sharing, you’re not alone. And you ARE enough. I promise.

  3. Wow, if enough isn’t doing all of that stuff then I don’t know what is! You’re doing great but you’ve just got overwhelmed, find the time to breathe for yourself and enjoy that conference! 🙂

  4. You. Will. Be. Okay.

    I understand this so well, as this week is filled with a to-do list capable of rendering competent mothers insane.

    Not sure if I fit into that category.

    I can’t wait to see you! Somehow I know that will right the world–if I can just make it there.

  5. Take those moments. I find that the low-level stress of busy days adds up to nasty brain chemistry imbalance when I string too many of them together. But I also find that taking a break (with a little self-inflicted therapy — a funny movie, a good book, some yoga, a pedicure) gives both me and the meds space to get thing back in balance.

    May your week be both peaceful and productive.

  6. From where I am sitting, you sound amazing. You did all of that and can still speak? That’s fairly impressive.

    At least you never sent your 6 year old son to school, wearing his sister’s underwear because none of his were clean, having totallly forgotten that they had gym that day and had to get changed into their sports kit…at least, I’m assuming you haven’t. He’s 20 now. We still don’t speak about it.

    1. Thank you for making me laugh out loud! I have made one child wear the other child’s underwear before, but luckily they are both girls. My oldest has even been known to steal a pair from my drawer.

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