Please Lord, help me think about sex more often

Today’s post was inspired by Shell at Things I Can’t Say and her weekly Pour Your Heart out Wednesday blog carnival. Click if you want to find out more about Pour Your Heart Out.


It’s not that I don’t think about sex, I just don’t think about it often. I remember my mom warning me there would be a season in life where our husbands would want it more than we do. She just didn’t tell me how long that season would last. She also said that wine helps put you in the mood more often, but I doubt she meant that wives should stay slightly buzzed just in case.

I am attracted to my husband. He is strong and bold. His presence puts me at ease. I feel safe in his arms, seen when he looks at me and heard when he asks me questions about my day. I appreciate him and respect him as my equal. He is a more amazing father than I could have ever imagined and looks at the world through eyes of compassion and charity. And when we are together, alone, I am glad to be with him. I am available and feel beautiful in his presence. Our intimacy is not infrequent.

And yet, I am thinking about laundry and grocery shopping. I am recalling articles I’ve read and impending schedules. I am worried about why my youngest child went to bed grumpy or whether or not my oldest child and I reconciled our differences from earlier in the day. I am sorting ideas in my head, wondering why in the world I can’t seem to get motivated to get things done in a more timely manner. And sometimes, I am so caught up in my head, not present in the moment, that I will spontaneously blurt out the most ridiculous things.

“I talked to your mom today, her appointment with the gastroenterologist went well.”

It’s kind of a mood killer, talking about your mother-in-law, and her problems with acid reflux, while you are in the middle of foreplay.

There are days I know he wants me, maybe even needs me, but I am so overwhelmed with my own self-inflicted drama that I change clothes in our walk-in closet, hoping that by avoiding being naked in front of him, he will not pursue me. He will forget that he had his hand on my butt as we walked up the stairs for the night.

And yet, part of me could really use a hug. That’s all.

I want to want him more often, be the pursuer and the initiator. Make him feel just as important as he makes me. Love him in a way that speaks to him.

In the mean time, I’ll try not to talk so much.


10 thoughts on “Please Lord, help me think about sex more often

  1. I think that’s what happens when we have kids. Our minds are in 3508745 different places and the bedroom is not one of them (well, except for sleep!). My only advice is to maybe get some one on one time (not literally.. well, maybe) alone just the two of you to maybe get the fires burning again. I think most of us are hoping this is just a phase and will pass one day, lol

  2. It’s like you were writing what goes on inside my head. Right down to the whole changing clothes in the closet part.

  3. oh I get this…so much. Right now the boys don’t go to bed to ungodly hours and Jacob always finds his way back to our bed…and John leaves to go and sleep with Gio. I swear that it will be a while before we can just get busy and not worry about them. Sometimes we take a day off together,..drop them off at daycare and go home for a little time together.

    but in reading this, I thought this is how I feel about sex more often than not …and to think I was quite the hussy in my youth. 🙂

  4. Wow, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say this post was written by my wife. 😉 Based on conversations my wife and I have had over the years, I would guess that you and her are joined by many women who feel the same way. But what we’ve come to understand is that while there is no ON/OFF switch for the female brain when it comes to sex, we’ve actually discovered a way to institute a PAUSE button. As parents of 5 kids ranging from 16 years to 11 months, she once told me once that “sex begins with good morning”. Processing the needs of a 7-member household can definitely derail intimacy. But if we stoke the embers throughout the day, she’s able to push those other pressing thoughts aside (effectively pushing PAUSE) by the time evening arrives and all the children have gone to sleep. I’m not saying that’s a sure-fire way to address this, but it has helped in our marriage. 🙂

    Great post, btw!

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