You can’t poop in my kitchen.

I’m a pretty patient person, at least I like to pretend I am. Power of positive thinking, right?

About a month ago I pulled the cushions off our sectional sofa to vacuum a pile of pumpkin seeds someone spilled. Much to my chagrin, I found a stash of dog food. As I pulled off more cushions, I discovered mouse poop. And of course, DW was out-of-town so I had to clean it all up by myself.

For the next few days I kept checking under the cushions. At night I put away the dog food and each morning I rinsed out Luna’s water bowl. I also made it a priority to really make sure the kitchen was spotless when I went to bed. As soon as DW returned, he opened up the sofa-bed and vacuumed everything.

I was very reluctant to put out any lethal traps and wanted to be more humane. My hope was to capture the sweet, little, lost thing and set him free outside. Obviously, the cold weather was forcing him inside. He was searching for a warm bed and a hot meal. How could I turn him away?

However, he is getting on my every last nerve and over stayed his welcome.  He has continued to avoid our traps and figure out a way to still steal dog food. I suspect he be rummaging around our pantry looking for bedtime snacks. Then of course, there was the whole intruder fiasco. Apparently this unwanted guest does not realize we live in a single-family home, not a duplex. He hasn’t even offered to pay rent or clean up after himself. Every morning I flip on lights and stomp around loudly before entering the family room and kitchen, announcing my arrival in the hope that we don’t officially meet. I’m afraid to even sit on our sofa anymore.

But this morning was the absolute last straw.

In my exhaustive state last night, I neglected to fully clean the kitchen. I had just gotten off the treadmill and decided to go to bed. It could all wait until the morning – the sink full of dishes, the pans on the stove and the remnants of vegetable scraps on the cutting board.  When I entered the kitchen this morning, something was amiss. The vegetable scraps were missing. I checked the trash can, not there. I checked the sink, not there. So I started to search the counter top more closely.

I made a startling discovery.

Stashed behind my big ceramic bowl of potatoes and onions, and clumped behind my basket of cloth napkins, was a trail of vegetable scraps and mouse poop. In fact, there was mouse poop on one of the dirty plates and along the bar where my kids usually eat breakfast. I thought I was going to throw-up as I started washing all of the dishes by hand and scrubbing the counter clean.

This is my last straw you bleepity-bleep-bleep mother-bleeper mouse. No more Mrs. Nice Girl. You had your chance and you blew it. DW will find you this weekend and destroy you. So that little party you and your friends had last night in my kitchen? Well, I hope it was worth it because it was your last. I’m not sure how this is all going to go down. Cats are really not my thing and I’m not sure I could live with a large snake loose in my house.

But it’s on Jerry – it’s on.

You can’t poop in my kitchen and get away with it.

*Don’t miss my latest blog at MichMoms Blog: Words that hurt and words that heal.

9 thoughts on “You can’t poop in my kitchen.

  1. Oh, bring it! We had ‘one’ (and where there is one, there is more!) about 3 1/2 years ago. The bugger was so brazen he popped his head up through the grate on my gas burner, and stayed there for half hour. Long enough for me to call husband, him to get home and try to kill it. Those old fashioned SNAP traps did the job in the basement. *shudder* B/c mouse poo on my counter cannot happen! 😉

  2. The only time we have mice in the house is when the cat’s bring the darn thing in thru the kitty door! I feel your pain I mean poop….whatever 🙂

  3. We used to have a real mouse problem in our house. I remember one time when I was home from school, ill, I was sitting on the sofa and a mouse came out from under the shelf. It sat under the coffee table and looked at me. It must have been a baby or something, because it was very small, smaller than the others we caught in our humane trap, and it just stared at me, like it hadn’t quite worked out it was supposed to run away from humans. Just sat there looking, for about three minutes. And then at last it turned round and ran off.

    That was a cute little mouse. I didn’t like the adult ones, but the babies were so sweet.

  4. Ewewewew.

    I would have declared war too.

    The hardest thing I had to deal with during the Great Ant Invasion was not instantly killing those little buggers.

    I had to let them crawl around and over my stove and counters for days, cackling maniacally as they walked into the bait traps to carry it back to their nest somewhere behind the wall plate on the outside wall.

    At least it was a good excuse to eat out every night….

  5. You need to borrow someone’s cat. You most likely have a family of mice, not just one.
    When we got a cat because of a mouse problem it killed 6 in the first week and then we had no more mice.

  6. I keep telling you: sticky paper! That mouse better begone before we come Thanksgiving. Remember, we have to use the downstairs bathroom…

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