38-year-old wife and mother seeking an assistant wife.
Duties include, but not limited to: bill paying, transportation services, catering, laundry services, home organization, educational assistance, housekeeping, and party planning.
Must not value personal space or have strong attachments to personal items. Must be prepared to share clothes with a teenager, with the knowledge that borrowed items will either never be returned or will be returned in sub-par condition. Must be able to refrain from drinking and driving while listening to the high-pitched squeals of multiple girls in a moving vehicle. Must be able to keep their mouth shut about clothing choices made by a 9-year-old girl, even if she looks like she is applying for a job with the circus. Must never re-make beds that do not meet their personal standard. Must be okay with daily rejection and harsh criticism about what is for dinner. Must be prepared to repeat themselves continuously in a rational and non-defensive manner when asking for help or giving instructions. In general, the ability to shrug off rude comments and harsh tones from family members without losing their temper is expected and required. Must be able to watch the same movie or listen to the same song a hundred times over without going crazy. Personal hygiene optional.
Some perks include, but not limited to: random hugs and kisses, snuggling in bed watching cartoons, eating raw cookie dough, Rock Band or Karaoke marathons, dancing in the kitchen, being loved unconditionally.
Applicants should expect nothing in return for their efforts. Working conditions are inconsistent and sometimes hostile. Bonuses are rare. You will be required to be on-call 24 hours, 7-days a week. Greying hair, weight gain, wrinkles and a loss of identity are possible side-effects of these conditions.
Women seeking personal gains and daily recognition need not apply.
The Red Writing Hood assignment this week, from Write on Edge , was to write a personal ad, looking for love. It could be from the perspective of a character, or one for you or someone you know. The word limit was 300.