Season of Allegro

The string quartet swayed together, their bodies rolling with each beat of  Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring, drawing me step by step down the aisle. My heart pumped in time with my feet, carrying me body and soul, closer and closer to this man I love, until we stood face to face, our breath intertwined, whispering “I Do”.

“I Do” has been my refrain to life’s lyrics. The verses are simple:

  • Do you want to marry me?
  • Do you want  to move to another state?
  • Do you want to have another baby?
  • Do you want to be a stay at home mom?

I’ve sung each line with enthusiasm and gratefulness, at the top of my lungs when the days were full of grace, or muttered under my breath when the tempo became too frantic. I absorbed the sounds of Raffi & Karyn Henley’s voices, let them play all day while we danced and sang. I listened to the hum of bouncing seats and wind-up swings, rumbling random giggles, races through the house, and silly made-up stories. Each day was filled with so much noise, I coveted the small moments of silence between naps and bedtime, cherished the stillness.  Those moments gave me just enough time to rest and recover, get ready for the next set.

But now all I hear is the purr of the coffee pot and the tick-tick-tick of the clock above my desk. I am lost in the silence, trying to write new lyrics, desperately wanting to dance to a new beat. The simple refrain of “I Do” still falls from my lips, but the verses have changed:

  • Do you miss being a mommy of preschoolers?
  • Do you have a hard time finding fulfillment in your day?
  • Do you struggle to find contentment?

I was prepared for being a young mom, surrounded by toys and tots, a season of Allegro.  I was not prepared for these Adagio days, shuffling around an empty house, feeling trapped in a Grand Pause, waiting for the conductor to swing his baton down, and start the music again.

This post was inspired by TRDC’s RemembeRed memoir writing prompt.This week’s prompt asked us to write about a time that rhythm, or a lack thereof, played a role in your life. And don’t use the word “rhythm.”

11 thoughts on “Season of Allegro

  1. I am another one with young ones (2 year old and one on the way). So I’m fulling of Raffi and allegro. I don’t know what I’ll do when my Adagio stage arrives. But sometimes I look forward to it, just a tiny bit.

    Nice job with the rhythm post!

  2. What a beautiful post, Emily. I was a music major in college who toyed with an English major for a while (how strange). I love your use of the Grand Pause for those times in life when one season ends and another has yet to begin. Hang in there. The music will begin again. It will be different, of course, but no less beautiful.

    Best, Amy

  3. My how things change as time goes by huh? We want different things and what used to make us contnet just doen’t do it anymore. Loved your use of the prompt I can certainly relate.

  4. I know how you feel… except I started over again. My oldest will be 15, then 11, 9, and then the baby who is 18 months. The music has started again for me.

  5. Gorgeous! I can relate, my sweet daughter. I still miss the thrum of family life and being the mother to young children. I just found a little poem I had written to your youngest brother (I never gave it to him) on his last day of eighth grade, telling him how much I was going to miss being at the same school together. Dad and I feel so alive when you guys come to visit. Such a beautiful post you wrote.

  6. Wow, this is just beautiful. I’m still in Allegro, but as my daughter (my oldest baby) gets ready for preschool in the fall, I am already missing her presence and wondering how things will change around here.

  7. Wow, what a powerful way to associate music with life. I’m in the middle of the Raffi days, wishign for a little bit of Adagio here and there but I know when it happens I will miss every bit of the craziness. Great to meet you yesterday!

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