First Dates

This week’s memoir writing prompt by The Red Dress Club, asked us to fill in the blanks:

The first time I ______________-ed after ____________________-ing. The word limit was 300.

Man, he’s cute and looking at me.

Did I shave? My pits, definitely, but I don’t think I shaved past my knees. At least I don’t have granny-panties on. Thank goodness I didn’t eat dessert with lunch today. When was the last time I cut my toe-nails? Good grief, he hasn’t even said hello and I’m worried about what I look like with my clothes off.

“Hi, my name is Emily, nice to meet you.”

Nice to meet you? What is this, an etiquette lesson?

“Sure, I’ll have another beer, thanks.”

He’s much cuter up close than he looked across the bar. I can’t believe my girlfriends ditched me. He’s a little young, but maybe he won’t care. 

“Where do I go to school?”

Awesome, he thought I was in college.  Then again, he hasn’t seen my stretch marks.

“I’m not a student, just working.”

Can’t blame a girl for working.  This is going great. Conversation is flowing.

He’s even walking me out to my car!  Please ask for my phone number. Please?

“Huh? Car seat?”

Crap. The car seat. And how nice, naked Barbies and Blue’s Clue’s training panties are sitting in the seat too.

“Funny you should ask, actually…”

Truth or lie?

“That’s my daughter’s. I’m a single mom.”

He doesn’t seem too fazed. We’re still talking. Maybe he’d like to see some pictures, and hear about daycare, and my crazy schedule, my age and my ex-husband…oh my gawd…shut up, shut up, shut up! His  eyes look vacant.

Wait, what’s that?

“You have something on your face.”

Crap. He backed away. I shouldn’t have licked my finger before wiping his face.

“Yeah, it was nice to meet you too. Goodnight.”

17 thoughts on “First Dates

  1. Ohmygod- too funny! I love the internal dialogue. The whole piece was so tightly written and the details- Naked barbies! Training undies! Wiping his face! So, so good!

  2. After love,marriage and baby carriage, I would HOPE you could be 100% comfortable communicating w/ opposite sex, as a mature Mommy!

    Are little kids sexy? Hope not! THIS time, find a family guy. Don’t compromise and make excuses. Men will NOT grow out of their issues for you.

  3. This is just hilarious. And also kind of terrifies me for when I might return to the “dating world” as a single mother. I am glad to see that something so embarrassing can turn into something you can laugh at yourself for.

  4. ok… this is funny, yet I realize it must be hard to date with a kid. (I have a feeling I will be in this boat for the rest of my life!) That guy has no idea what he missed out on though!

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