Friday Flip Offs 2/4: Hormones, Peeing on a Stick and Blog Envy

The weather has been less than stellar this week for most of the country, I think, and for those of us with children, that meant it could have been pure hell or a little piece of heaven. For me, it was a little bit of both. The first day the girls decided to abandon me and play with their neighborhood friends. Gone are the days that they want to hang out with mom baking cookies and snuggling on the couch watching movies on their day off from school. I have officially become chopped liver.

Being home with the kids also brought to light how much time I have recently spent on the computer. I went through a little bit of withdrawal when I couldn’t just sit and blog stalk. It wasn’t even writing that I wanted to get done, but drool over all the amazing bloggers that I want to be when I grow up. I flip off a big green, discouraged and slightly pitiful middle finger at myself for being so ridiculous. I’ve been suffering from blog envy. Everyone else just seems to have it all figured out and make it look so easy. I’ve been letting my OCD get in the way of why I even started this blog. To write. Not to sell stuff or have a bazillion weekly gimmicks, but to share a piece of myself and hopefully inspire even one person to be more than they ever thought they could be. Or at least know that who they are is normal. I’ve spent way too many hours trying to figure out how to make my blog LOOK better. There is no blogging design budget here ladies. It is, what it is. Free is good. (But of course , if a blogging fairy godmother wanted to surprise me with a cool new header and logo I would gladly accept such a generous gift.) I don’t have the funds, time or the means to turn this blog into Disney World, so my writing is just going to have to be enough. Even for me.

But in my spare time, I will still drool over all the bloggers that not only write great stuff, but look really cool. And I might secretly worship you, cyber stalk you or dream about meeting you one day. But please, don’t be scared.

A sweaty, hot, bloated and weepy one finger salute to hormones. Both little girl hormones  and my own. We’ve had a lot of tears lately about friends. What is it with us girls? We all desire to find that one special friend. I swear the process to find one is more painful and complicated than finding a husband. I’m so sick of hearing myself say, “honey, you’re just going to have to trust that your friendship with her is strong enough to stand on its own” every time one of my daughters’  friendships are being attacked by a friend stealer. I loathe friend stealers. Moms, please, if you teach your daughter nothing else, teach them how to make their own friends and to be a friend!

I think I could almost handle all of this girl drama without drinking if my own hormones weren’t totally out of whack. This is what my last couple of weeks have looked like:

  • Sore boobs
  • Suddenly sweaty hot in the middle of the night and then freezing cold
  • Weight gain
  • Radical mood swings
  • Super clumsy
  • Hungry like crazy

And yet, no period. I must say, it had me a little freaked out. The thought of being pregnant again at almost 38 years old made me nauseous.

“I’m on my way home sweetheart, is there anything you need?”

“Um, yeah.”

“Well?”

“Chips, salsa, guacamole and an EPT test”

“WHAT?”

“Just do it, alright?”

My hand shook like crazy as I peed on the stick. Thoughts of strollers and baby carriers, poopy diapers and cutting teeth started flooding my mind. I couldn’t look right away so I set the stick down on the counter and took another swig of wine. (Good grief, drinking while taking a pregnancy test. What does that say about me?) After a minute, I held my breath and took a look.

It said,

not pregnant.

I flipped off a tissue holding, wine swigging, sniffly finger at the stick. However, I’m not totally sure I was relieved or disappointed.

And last but not least, a very paranoid and twisted flip off to myself, again, for worrying that no one reads this blog. Well, except for some guy named Jim who has a dozen different “names” and keeps getting sent to my spam because all he wants to know is how to get girls to have sex with him. Really Jim? I know all of those spam hits are from you because the email is always the same! So besides him, where are all the Pajama Day stories, Facebook friends and Twitters? I made a call for Pajama Day stories yesterday and nada. Nothing. Zippo.Zilch. Yes, I know, it’s only been 24 hours and my blog doesn’t have any cool writing workshops, prompts or blog makeovers. I’ve never been a guest blogger or even gone to a blogging conference, but please – someone – write a pajama day story just so I can save face now. It doesn’t even have to be your own story. I’ll never know. And even if I did, who would I tell?

Sigh.

I might have to write a couple of Pajama Day stories under aliases.

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15 thoughts on “Friday Flip Offs 2/4: Hormones, Peeing on a Stick and Blog Envy

  1. Blog envy is perfectly natural, but don’t spend too much time obsessing about it. For me, what makes a blog good is wonderful writing, which yours is, not about fancy designs or weird colors that scream out at you from the screen. Honestly, I prefer simple blogs like yours because it puts the focus on *you*.

  2. Hi Emily,
    I have a set routine most days after I reach office. I check my two mail accounts, reply to the urgent ones, and then head over to your blog to see if you have posted anything new. Only after that do I go and check the statistics for my own blog. Only then do I get down to serious office stuff.
    Your blog definitely makes a difference.
    Sudha

  3. a) I read from phone, all the damn time – don’t always comment. i should. comments rock.

    b) sorry your stick was negative. or not? or so? :p

    c) thank you SO MUCH for supporting me. i actually wrote a snail mail thank you, it’s comin’ soon.

  4. I haven’t even got my flip offs up yet. I’m on a mirena and haven’t had a period in three years so I occasionally panic that I’m pregnant and have a little fetus that’s going to pop out with a pre pierced ear. Ugh. Blog envy. Can’t even get started on that…

  5. I love your honest, unpretentious witting! You’re are the only blog I take the time to read (and the fancy “header” or whatever would just be fluff!). I am turning 40 in 8 days, so I am going thru some hormone stuff too. I am using progesterone cream to help with B.tenderness and PMS. It is helping.

  6. I’m TRYING, but writing an essay feels like school to me so first I have to conquer the ‘I’m gonna fail’ nerves. As soon as happy hour rolls around, I’ll mellow out enough to write… maybe…

  7. Ooh.. I’ve taken 3 tests – no period, nausea, weight gain, sore boobs — but it came back negative too..
    Hope this week is a better week for the girls and you!

  8. I meant “catch-up.”

    (“Cathc-up” is FAR too complicated to play alone. Plus, I don’t have a toad’s foot, any empty beer bottles, or red food colouring.)

  9. Really Em??!! Don’t forget the 2 Margaritas last Sunday (I know you’re going to delete this comment……I know you’re laughing now too!)

  10. Hey, don’t forget to breathe!
    If you’re 38 and having hormonal issues… it might actually be hot flashes (power surges : )
    Have a piece of chocolate, that always helps.
    I was wondering…what makes it a pajama story?

  11. I read every one of your blogs! You inspire me with everyone. So see… Your blog is awesome and does matter!
    Your essay request made me panic though. I want to participate but I write essays like a 5year old. (though if I am the only one to enter then I have a sure shot at winning!)
    Maybe through all the unpacking this weekend I can come up with some pj memory to write about.

  12. Of course we’re reading your blog. I ready every single one of them. Even though I seldom leave a reply, you don’t know how much your writing has touched me. We’ve all been in your shoes at one time or another … raising little girls who are trying to figure out who they are, trying to figure out who WE are and just forging through with each day’s challenges. When I read your posts, I often think: Wow, I sure can relate to that!; or Hang on, it will get better! Or even: What a treasure that you’ve written this all down and can look back on it in years to come and say “look at all we’ve gone through and how well we all turned out.” Keep it up … you strike a chord with me with each and every post.

  13. I’m reading!

    And I’m in my pajamas! (Where I plan to stay until…well…probably tomorrow.)

    Depsite all my intentions, I haven’t read blog the past day or two so I’m playing “cathc-up” today. I’ll have a peek at your last few and see if I have a good pajama story for you.

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