Not Waiting For Spring

My backyard this morning

We knew before dinner that school was going to be closed today. The girls did a happy dance around the house, skipping and hopping in delight.

“MOVIE NIGHT!” they both shrieked at the top of their lungs.

My head started to pound as I poured another glass of wine. Pork chops were sizzling in a pan, pasta gurgled in a pot waiting to be mac and cheese. The steamer lid sputtered and popped letting wafts of asparagus scented steam escape. The girls continued to run rampant through the house.

“We’re gonna have a snow day…we’re gonna have a snow day!” they both sang over and over and over.

“When is DW getting home?” I whined to myself.

The butter in my little sauce pan was melted and ready for the next step to make hollandaise sauce. Nothing fancy, just a packet of McCormick. I grabbed the white envelope I saw out of the corner of my eye, ripped open the top and poured the contents into the bubbling pot. Immediately, I knew it was the wrong color. I had inadvertently grabbed the cheese packet for the mac and cheese and not the hollandaise sauce.

“SHIT!” I blurted out.

The girls stopped singing and dancing. It was silent for a second. Then The Hare started to giggle a little.

“Do you need a time out mom?” she asked.

“NO!” I snorted, then took a deep breath, “I NEED A HUGE HUG FROM YOU TWO CRAZIES!”

They both started laughing, rushing over, holding arms wide-open, and smothered me with hugs and kisses. The Tortoise quickly grabbed another box of mac and cheese, pulled out the cheese packet and handed it to me. The Hare grabbed a ziplock bag to store the unused pasta. ( Apparently I must have made this mistake before because they were well versed.) Then the Hare grabbed another stick of butter for the sauce.

“No problem, mom” she said, “We’ve gotcha covered.”

Our covered front porch with snow drifts

We ended up having a very nice dinner. DW came in just as everything was being set on the table. After dinner we all snuggled on the couch in our pajamas watching Hook and eating popcorn. It was late by the time the movie was over and everyone had settled in to their beds. By now the blizzard had been brewing for a few hours. Winds howled through our trees, shoving and pushing their limbs. They danced frantically above our yard. Windows rattled and walls creaked. Kisses goodnight were warm on everyone’s cold cheeks.

Only a few minutes after The Hare had been tucked in, the pitter-patter of her feet across the hall landed swiftly in my doorway. She was crying.

“What if the wind pushes all those trees into my room?” she panted, “What if the walls come crashing down?”

I pulled back the covers, “Then I’ve gotcha’ covered little one.”

The Hare gratefully lunged into the bed, buried herself between DW and myself, displacing Luna puppy.

“Is she sleeping in here all night?” DW asked surprised.

It has been a while since we’ve had a kid in our bed. Suddenly this  50 lb, almost 9-year-old body made the queen size bed feel very small and confining, especially when you add a pacing dog in the mix. Luna was obviously anxious and frustrated that The Hare had taken her spot next to me. She paced across all of our bodies, pouting and snorting her disgust. Finally she settled for a spot at the foot of the bed by my feet and gave one last huff.

“Yes – I think she will just sleep here all night.”

The four of us easily fit together at first, our breathing rising and falling at similar paces. But by 4am I was wide awake. The Hare’s sweaty head was pressed up against my face, stealing most of my pillow. Her feet appeared to be pressing in to DW’s back. Buried into my side, sandwiched between me and The Hare, was Luna puppy. She had obviously decided she couldn’t stand sleeping that far away from me and covertly made her way up towards the top of the bed.

I slipped out of bed. As I headed to the bathroom I realized how quiet the house sounded now. A quick peek out the window showed layers and layers of soft snow. The trees no longer were in a panic and held their white limbs proudly.

The stillness was beautiful.

Could you imagine that falling on you?

When I got back to bed, I couldn’t help but just stare at The Hare, DW and Luna puppy sleeping. Their stillness was beautiful too. Sometimes this season of my life feels like winter all the time. Hormones and girl drama fly at me in blizzard like fury. The schedule is packed tight and DW’s work requires a lot of single parenting at the peak of the day. Sometimes I wish for the spring to come, when the girls can take care of themselves more efficiently. When they need me less. But standing there, looking at The Hare, I shuddered at that thought. I really don’t ever want her or The Tortoise to need me less. Why in the world would I be anxiously waiting for them to blossom into women? That would just make them one step closer to leaving the nest.

No, I am not waiting for the spring. I am quite content to enjoy the snow days.

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3 thoughts on “Not Waiting For Spring

  1. My 21 year old son, college student, still lives at home. I love the way the house feels and sounds when he is here. The same things drive me crazy from time to time. I know when he graduates, he will move out and I do not want to think about that day. So for now, we are expecting a snow day this Friday and I think we will watch movies, make snow angels and enjoy lots of hot chocolate and spiced tea. Every moment is a memory!!!

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