Friday Flip Offs 1/21: Groceries, Boogers and Sex

It struck me today that except for Monday, I had this week almost totally to myself. That is momentous because I have either been visiting people or had someone visiting me since Thanksgiving. Certainly since December 22nd when we started our Christmas vacation. Ironically, the days still swirled past me like water down the drain, gurgling and gulping all the way. I still got nothing accomplished. Frick. Apparently it is true that the busiest people get the most done.

My meal planning skills were really put to the test since I didn’t go to the grocery store all week. There was also a fair amount of take-out on the way home from sports practices and meets to fill in the gaps. I shove a huge, greasy, hold the tomatoes and ketchup on the side, middle finger to eating fast food all week. I refuse to get on the scale because I know it is going to verge on obscene. But it doesn’t stop there, oh no! A white-knuckled, pen tapping, list holding frustrated salute goes to the oblivious individuals who don’t know how to grocery shop. Do you really need to block the WHOLE aisle while you decide on what stinkin’ pickles to buy? You know I’m standing right behind you. All I need are the darn Bread and Butter pickles to your left. Could you move your big butt to the side so I can get in and get out? And what about the refrigerated section? Don’t stand with your nose up to the glass so no-one else can get what they need while you figure out what type of creamer to get. Like you’ve never bought creamer before. Carry a list lady…a list!

Embarrassingly, I also need to give myself a shaky, eyes bigger than her stomach, never go to the grocery store hungry flip off. Especially if you are shopping at a warehouse store like Costco, because you come back with things like this:

Not as good as Salt & Vinegar but you do whatcha got to do

My basket was also filled with random bottles of wine, Skinny Cow Ice-Cream sandwiches, Everything Bagel Chips, Salsa, Smoked Pulled-Pork, an enormous bag of shredded cheese and this:

Protein, right?

 Let’s just say, we had a very interesting dinner last night.

I flip a very crusty, disgusting boogey finger at you. If I was two, I would pick my nose for sure. The heater is going non-stop, drying out my skin, my eyes and most definitely my nose. It feels like there are daggers buried in my nostrils. Every time I breathe my nose makes a terrible whistling sound as the air circulates around a booger maze. Maybe I’ll try saline spray.

And last, but not least, I have to laugh and cringe as I nakedly flip off blog posts about sex. My post a couple of days ago was sort of random humor and took me like 2 minutes to write (hmmm…any coorelation there? ) and yet got 222 hits that day, while the posts flanking it on either side only received a smidge over 100 hits. Apparently,  I need to write about sex for all of you horny readers: sex tips, sex strategies, sex humor…or I need to just make sure that I always put the word sex in my tags.

Enjoy your weekend and be sure to visit all of my fellow whiners…er…bloggers…who have posted Friday Flip Offs today.

6 thoughts on “Friday Flip Offs 1/21: Groceries, Boogers and Sex

  1. So that’s what I’m doing wrong. I talk too much about the consequences of sex (my kids) and not enough about the act itself.

    Mostly because my husband would kill me if it showed up on my blog… that my grandmother reads.

    I’m with you on the Never Go To the Grocery Store Hungry thing… very dangerous.

    Great flip off!

  2. I have thought about “ghost” tagging a post or two just to see the results…hmmmm…I think your on to something.
    Terri’s comment made me think about the wine my niece served at Thanksgiving….ChocoVine…french cabernet infused with rich dark chocolate and espresso…served chilled, it was the adult version of the Starbucks Frappuccino.

  3. You’re on a roll this week! Are you going to dip those chips in chocolate frosting while drinking a bottle of wine?? LOL!!

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