Trust Me Men, Foreplay Starts in the Kitchen

It seems like more than half the magazines staring at me in the grocery store check-out line have some article about sex. Topics like strategies for better foreplay or tips on longer orgasms. Everyone wants the secret to having great sex, feeling sexy or how to better please their mate.

It’s really not that complicated. There’s no secret formula or exotic aphrodisiac.  No one needs special cologne or lacy lingerie. In fact, I think most married women would agree that it isn’t our libido or a lack of  sexy panties keeping us from engaging more with our husbands. It’s usually just a lack of energy and time.

If men would use these ten common-sense tips, I’d be willing to bet that their sex life would improve tenfold.

Ten Tips to help Men Have a Better Sex Life

  1. Don’t leave dirty dishes in the kitchen sink. And instead of rinsing your dinner plate and placing it on the counter, try loading it in the dishwasher.  Women can’t think about you if they are thinking about a dirty sink. We can only think one dirty thought at a time.
  2. Know her schedule the way she knows yours. Women don’t like to tell you about their week only to have you ask, “So – do you have anything going on today?” That means only one of two things: a) you weren’t listening  or b) you weren’t listening. Either way, the message she heard was, “You are unimportant.”
  3. Don’t watch T.V. while your wife prepares dinner for you on a weekday, she hasn’t seen you all day and would like your company. We understand that you probably used up all your words for the day and won’t have much to say. Surprisingly, we are happy enough with just a body at the kitchen counter to listen. Don’t worry, we won’t ask you to help in the kitchen. We just don’t like feeling  like we work in the kitchen.
  4. Sex does not make us feel better. It might make you feel better, but when we are sad or frustrated we’d really rather have a hug and to just talk. Amazingly, being heard makes us rather amorous.
  5. Morning breath is just not sexy. Oral hygiene is a must.
  6. Cutting toenails should be done privately, not on the bed in your underwear while watching T.V. In fact, all personal hygiene should be done behind closed doors. And don’t forget to keep your finger nails trimmed and cleaned. Believe me, we notice. Gnarly finger nails make us cringe when picturing them touching our body.
  7. Notice our hair, in a good way. And if you can’t think of something nice to say, lie.
  8. Don’t eat the last of anything, especially dessert, even if we say we’re on a diet because we might have saved our calories all day for that last brownie.
  9. Tickling stopped being a form of foreplay when we hit puberty. Now it only pisses us off. Besides, having children weakened our bladders, which means you are taking a big risk.
  10. Quickie’s should be initiated before we get in the shower, not after. I don’t know many woman who enjoy walking around smelling like a romp in the hay.

I tried to be fair  and come up with a list of tips for women, but I couldn’t think of anything besides “Be Naked and Available”.

8 thoughts on “Trust Me Men, Foreplay Starts in the Kitchen

  1. OMG, my husband and I argue about this topic *all the time*! I tell him that I would find nothing sexier than seeing cooking a meal once a week and helping pick up the house on occasion. I tell him that I would be so appreciative that I would jump his bones right then and there! He does great for awhile but then slips back into #3 mode……

    I need to forward this to Mr. Wonderful right now. Great post!

  2. I love number 4. It has always amazed me the differenc between men and women on that one.
    and “be naked and available” made me snort. ha! I came to the conclusion a long time ago that men aren’t as concerned with our body flaws as much as we think they are. They just think “woohoo she’s naked!”

  3. I am going to forward this on to my husband in the hope that you can teach him a few things (like 10). But one thing, #3- I DO want help in the kitchen! Thank you so much for the PSA on behalf of all women.

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