Friday Flip Offs 12/3: Post Baby Bladders and Other Leaky Things

Anger is a funny thing sometimes. It can be as draining as a storm of tears or as exhausting as a fit of laughter. Sometimes, it can be just as liberating too, a release of pent-up emotions. And then, as quickly as the rage comes, it vanishes. Without a trace. Leaving you an empty vessel once again. Until the next time. Perhaps that is what is so appealing about Friday Flip Offs. It’s a way to emotionally purge – even in our humor we are still venting and releasing. This week I couldn’t help but chuckle over the fact that some of my friends now have started emailing me their Friday Flip Offs, just to share. I feel like a counselor or something. So to all of you reading this, who have unvoiced frustrations, I flip those off today too. In your honor.

It’s a little ominous to hear the words, “Um, Em. We have a problem in the bathroom,” by one of your guests, who happens to be standing in front of you, wearing wet socks. I had hosted a small awards party yesterday for our elementary students that participated in the fall leadership and running program. The bathroom in a house full of females gets used frequently. All of the children had left and we were just doing clean up. As I entered the dimly lit bathroom room, it was quickly apparent that there was murky standing water oozing all over the floor. On a closer olfactory inspection, it was immediately  evident that there was bodily fluids and poo gurgling up from the porcelain throne. One of our guests had obviously had some personal issues and neglected to ask for help. Arrrggghhh! It is safe to say that I verbally flipped off the mess as I sopped it up with doggy towels before mopping every nook and cranny of that bathroom. I can’t be sure who did it, it could have been my own child, so it would be pointless to mentally flip off any of the embarrassed little girls. Besides, crap happens. But I can flip off the stupid plumbing system’s inability to contain the mess. It wasn’t until hours later that we realized that the toilet back-up had also spilled into the garage. Seriously!? It’s 26 friggin’ degrees here! You think I want to clean up not just yellow water, but FROZEN yellow water? Welcome to the wonderful world of septic systems, wells, and low water pressure. Flip, flip, flip.

Speaking of leaks, it isn’t enough that we have to put up with stretch marks, saggy boobs and spreading hips after child-bearing – but we get the added bonus of peeing a little after sneezing or laughing too hard. I give a double flip off to my bladder for being totally unpredictable and uncooperative. Twice. Today.

Flip Offs to all those stupid credit card scams and club cards. Really Kroger? Isn’t it time you just gave everyone the same discount without making us carry those darn cards? Most of us just punch in our phone numbers anyway, and it’s not like we get special coupons in the mail or anything. It’s obvious that you are scamming us anyway, the Kroger Card prices aren’t that great. I’m willing to bet that our “card” price is still incredibly more marked up than it needs to be. And who wants to buy 10 of anything anyway? Mix and match is such a crock, I’m supposed to keep track of all the items that “work together” to create my 10 items? What if I don’t want that particular brand of BBQ sauce? I’m just supposed to suck it up so that I can get my pears for a good price? Sheesh! And as far as the credit card scammers – wake up people! I’m cancelling all of you retail cards. Everyone has their own coupons, which of course can’t be used when paying cash but only when charging on their card. It doesn’t really save you any money because ask yourself this question: “Would you have bought anything in the first place if they hadn’t just sent you a coupon?”

I applaud and salute SparkPeople for making me more accountable. It really stinks seeing how many calories my breakfast really cost me yesterday. Now I actually have to think about what I am eating because I’m scared to mark it in my food journal and see how many calories the automated counter gives me. I know better than to try and diet during the months of November and December, so I guess part of that flip off goes to me too. Wish me luck at Zumba tonight.

I don’t know who to flip off on this one – but I can’t stand children who constantly ask my child for food at lunch. I brought The Hare McDonald’s as a special treat and the child next to her continued to ask her for some french fries until she finally caved. Really – right up in her face, “Can I have a fry? Can I have a fry? Please, please, please?” Somebody teach this child some manners!

And last but not least – to the gentleman that refused to pull up at the gas pump, a salute you. Why in the world did you park your car in-between three pumps? PULL YOUR DARN CAR ALL THE WAY UP! Only your gas tank needs to be in front of the pump. It wasnt’ raining. It wasn’t snowing. It wasn’t even that windy, but you kept everyone else from using the pumps until you had finished. AND – you paid inside.

Ahhhh – the heart rate is pumping and my head is spinning. It’s like I just ran around the block a few times. I wonder how many calories that burned? Maybe enough for an extra glass of wine.

7 thoughts on “Friday Flip Offs 12/3: Post Baby Bladders and Other Leaky Things

  1. Wine does NOT have calories, so you’re totally good there. Also, if you eat your food standing up? The calories fall right off. Tell that to the Spark thingey. Thanks for flipping off the bladder leakage. I’m so used to it that I forget I used to laugh/sneeze without wetting myself. Ahh, the days of youth.

  2. I can’t sneeze or cough unless my legs are FULLY INTERTWINED, kind of like a pretzel. Learned my lesson one too many times (once is too many) with a full on pee my pants cough/sneeze. Are the children worth it? The jury is still out. I’ll let you know. 🙂

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