I feel like I have been in a coma or something. My head is spinning and I literally had to take the calendar out to re-trace my steps. Last I remember it was Saturday night and we were gnashing on sushi rolls and taking the kids to the movies. When I woke up, it was Friday. WTH? This has to be the longest amount of time between my posts since my blog started, and believe me, it feels weird, like finding your keys in the refrigerator kind of weird. (Yes, it’s been that kind of week.) This week has been over-run with community needs, family needs, deadlines and drama. So what better way to wrap up it up than to flip it off?
What do you do when people in your life tell you very petty and exaggerated things, talk about you behind your back or cause unneccessary drama under the guise of “trying to be helpful”? You smile politely while it is happening and then you flip them off on your blog later. Yeah, I just did that. Biggest life lesson that I think I can teach my children? That women are just little girls with bigger boobs. (Well, most of them anyway, I’m still waiting.) Maybe instead of pushing our kids to get along with everyone we should be teaching them how to be more selective, build better boundaries, put up with less shiitake mushrooms. I loved the idea of the book He’s Just Not That Into You: The No Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys. Good gawd what I would have given to have had that kind of humorous resource when I was dating. But now that I am a mother, we need a handbook of our own, like Yes, She Really is Just a Bitch: The No Nonsense Guide to Understanding Girl Drama.
Normally I’m not in the habit of flipping off people whose job it is to help my family, however, if you keep me waiting for almost two hours with a vomiting, fevered, sick child in your office when I have an appointment, be prepared to see more than my signature when I pay the bill. The Hare started complaining of mild lower back pain and stomach cramps earlier this week. Based on her limited diet, and no other symptoms it seemed reasonable to assume constipation. The cramps became worse over a few days so we decided to keep her home Thursday morning to catch up on her sleep and then call the pediatrician to get some more aggressive advice. At 8am, The Hare woke up screaming in pain. Her throat was on fire, her head was pounding, the stomach ache was causing her to double over and now she had a fever. I called the doctor, got an appointment and talked to a nurse who determined that it probably wasn’t appendicitis and she could wait until her 10:40am appointment to be seen. We got to the office by 10:30am. My sweet little sickie threw-up hard in the parking lot. I rubbed her back and held her hair out of the way as the liquid splattered on the pavement. A man was walking by at the time and gave me a dirty look, like “You are going to clean that up, right?” I flip you off too, you obviously single man with no kids. Seriously? You are surprised a small child is throwing up outside a doctor’s office? (I did tell the staff inside what had happened and took The Hare to the bathroom to clean-up.) We sat. And sat. We sat for an hour after our scheduled appointment while babies poured in for well-visits, teenagers got sports physicals and random people were seen for flu-vaccines. We were trumped by healthy individuals while continuing to contaminate the waiting room, throw-up one more time in their bathroom and fall asleep in the uncomfortable chairs. Finally there seemed to be a reprieve when we were called into an exam room. Not so much. It was 12:20 before we were finally seen by the doctor. I would have gathered up my pajama wearing munchkin and headed to Urgent Care earlier if she hadn’t fallen asleep waiting. It took less than a minute to confirm from a rapid test that she indeed had strep. Almost two-hours, a one minute test, a prescription for amoxicillin and all I got was a lousy bill.
I’ve been coloring my own hair off and on over the last few years. Sometimes the $8 price-tag is just what my budget can handle, while other times having someone pamper me is too priceless to pass up. So when DW said, “From the back, your hair looks great. You don’t even notice the grey until you turn around” I decided this week it was time to pay someone. Fantastic Sam’s has been good to me over the years, and since I have the luxury to go first thing in the morning, I almost never have to wait. When the girls were small I would do a kid swap with another mom so that we could have time to ourselves at the “salon”. Never would I have thought to bring my children to hang out while spending a little time chatting with the stylist about husbands, in-laws and kids. I would like to flip off the mom that thought allowing their children to run rampant around the salon, bumping into my chair while I processed, or having to listen to them scream “I want McDonald’s” was okay. Maybe you are able to tune them out, but the rest of us certainly couldn’t. Wal-Mart has a nice selection of hair coloring products that you could do right in the comfort of your own home while Nickelodeon plays in the background. That “play” area in the waiting room is for your convenience while you wait for their haircut, not for your children to wait while you are getting your hair done. Where was the sign that said, “Any child left unattended will be sold”? And on the other side of my station was a mom with two well-behaved children, but I flip you off too for thinking it was okay to discuss with your stylist the size of your boyfriend’s anatomy and how much your girlfriend had to drink at some party the weekend before. If I could hear you, then so could your kids. Calgon, take me away.
And not only do I have to deal with the guilt of The Hare being upset she is missing her field-trip today, but I had to get over the guilt of not being able to volunteer my services as a parent driver for the field-trip. I’d like to flip off the brilliant minds that think parent drivers are a good idea for any public school field trip. Besides the fact that I don’t allow my child to get into some random stranger’s car in the first place, how can you be sure you will ever have enough drivers? If they weren’t already short on seats, now that The Hare got sick, they certainly are short at least 2 seats. Buses. And if the budget won’t allow it, then we just can’t go, or else people need to start passing bonds for a change and pay for the things that they want in their district. I’d rather pay a couple hundred dollars more a year in school taxes than worry about volunteering as a parent driver…or participating in school auctions and wrapping paper fundraisers, etc. Really? Who is able to find enough suckers in the same neighborhood or family members to buy Little Caesar Pizza kits to offset the needs of your school? The parents end up buying all of that fundraiser crap themselves anyway so that little Johnny can win some dumb prize. I bet they spend more on stuff they didn’t want just to put a couple bucks in the PTO account when they could have paid less per year in increased school taxes.
Overall, I flip off this week and look forward to catching up on my favorite blogging buddies today while I am home monitoring a sick child. Check out the other Friday Flip Offs over at Momma Kiss and raise those fingers high.