Friday Flip Offs 10/15

It’s actually 10pm on Thursday night at this moment. I am on my second glass of wine and back from my fourth trip to The Hare’s room. She can’t sleep. There have been two calls down the stairs of “Moooommm…I tried, but I just can’t sleep”, one request for water and another tearful stance in the hallway asking, “Did you hear that noise?” It totally sucks because this is the one night during the week that she actually gets to bed before 9:30pm. The rest of the days are filled up with gymnastics. (And yes, I really did use the word “sucks” because it is late and I am not feeling all that articulate or creative at the moment.) DW is out of town so I am  also single parenting this week.

Can you flip off a feeling? If so, then I am flipping off this feeling of frustration rather than go ballistic about trying, without success, to put an 8-year-old to bed. Do you see me, you close to middle-age old woman? Ha – yes you, the one in the purple matching Ellen Tracy jammies sucking down your momma juice, the one also missing Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice because now you have a small child laying next to you in bed.

In addition to flipping off this feeling, I double salute the idiot parents with constipation of the brain, who told their bratty child with diarrhea of the mouth, that the whole world is going to end in 2012. Because of course, this child is in The Hare’s class and told my child such ridiculous information. (Thus the reason why she can’t sleep.) The tears in the hallway gave way to a torrent of information about this classmate’s prediction. The Hare couldn’t stop thinking about only having two more years to live.

“I’ll only be 10 then, and I wouldn’t have done ANYTHING!” she cried.

Oh, gawd, I’ll be almost 40 then and won’t have done ANYTHING EITHER! Thank you, thank you very much for freaking me out too. Which brings me to my next flip off – aging.

After our conversation about the world coming to an end, I couldn’t help but start feeling sorry for myself for being so close to 40. Someone told me today, “40 is the new 30”. What the hell is that suppose to mean? My butt certainly didn’t get the message, because my 30-year-old hiney didn’t connect with the back of my thighs like my almost 40-year-old hiney. And my bladder can’t make it through the night anymore. It doesn’t matter what time I go to bed, I still wake up around 2 or 3am to pee. Perhaps grey is the new black? Saggy is the new sexy?

A fabulous flip off goes to the relatively new drive-through coffee shop in town that has a theme for most days of the week. It’s obvious to me they are not selling coffee: Topless Tuesday, Bottomless Wednesday, Fantasy Friday and my most loathed, School Girl Thursday. We have to drive by that darn shack every day. How do you explain what those signs mean to an 8-year-old? And perhaps I should be flipping the girls who are okay with working in their bra tops or bikini bottoms. What are you thinking? What kind of cream are they putting in that coffee, anyway?

Ahhh, coffee. It is officially Friday and I am enjoying a tall, sugar-free Vanilla latte with skim milk…so that I can enjoy a fresh hot cinnamon donut later. We currently have a vegetarian living with us for a little while. It has been a fun challenge to come up with tasty dinners that we can all enjoy. However, I am going to have to flip-off chipotle and avocado bean burgers because either I am in labor or am having the worst gas pains ever from dinner last night. I feel sorry for the table next to me as I try to be discreet. Silent, but deadly, baby. Silent. But deadly. Eating healthy can have it’s drawbacks.

DW comes home tonight, so it is indeed a very “TGIF” friday. We will have our usual pizza and family movie night before tackling a weekend of soccer games and gymnastics. Don’t forget to check out the other Friday Flip Off’s over at MommaKiss.

See ya’ later, Alligator.


7 thoughts on “Friday Flip Offs 10/15

  1. I really feel for the kid in the Hare”s class, I can’t imaging filling my kids head with end of days thoughts and then sending them off to bed with a kiss and a pat on the head.
    On the other hand if I believed in this end of days mayan calendar 2012 crap, I would stop paying my house note, eat cheesecake everyday and move to islands and drink mojitos for breakfast. I am just saying…
    Oh yeah, thanks for the warning on going veggie…I have enough “gas” in my life without adding to it…

  2. I’m not allowed to watch movies about the end of the world because I get so stressed out. Same thing for some discovery channel shows. Oh my lord, how do you survive with your child staying up so late? I would die! That’s like my main me time, bratchild gets in bed by 8 and she’s allowed to read until 9 but unless she is bleeding or on fire she is NOT to get out of bed. I have reality tv to watch people!

  3. SBD farts are kinda my thing. Sorry for the “too much info” category. But chipotle gets me every time!

    This coffee place seems like it’s dangerous. I mean, pouring hot coffee? in bras and undies? come on!

  4. And here I was thinking my children would finally sleep by the time they were 8…

    With a 3.5 and 1 year old I record any shows I wish to watch because most of them are not fit for young ones. I have about a year backlog to catch up on…

    Perhaps 40 is the new 30 because between liposuction, botox, and face lifts everyone in Hollywood at 40 could pass for 30… I was just going to mention Sex in the City and then Kim Cattrall pops onto my TV on Sesame Street explaining what “fabulous” means.

    Don’t judge me. I have two kids with ear infections, the 3.5 year old didn’t nap, the 1 year old napped for FIVE minutes.

    Oh sweet lord. The husband is home from work.. Glad DW will be back!

  5. “Oh, gawd, I’ll be almost 40 then and won’t have done ANYTHING EITHER! ”
    I am sorry. I laughed out loud at that. It’s funny that no matter what we do (especially women) we never feel like we have done anything.
    I really think I am going to start doing this flip off friday. amyblam’s has always made me giggle, and so are yours.

    Also, what is blogfrog? Only because there is a frog involved, I want to join! (I love frogs.. and it’s fun to say, blogfrog blogfrog blogfrog. Sorry 3pm coffee just kicked in.)

    oh and I am flipping off firefox for just crashing. twice.

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