It’s actually 10pm on Thursday night at this moment. I am on my second glass of wine and back from my fourth trip to The Hare’s room. She can’t sleep. There have been two calls down the stairs of “Moooommm…I tried, but I just can’t sleep”, one request for water and another tearful stance in the hallway asking, “Did you hear that noise?” It totally sucks because this is the one night during the week that she actually gets to bed before 9:30pm. The rest of the days are filled up with gymnastics. (And yes, I really did use the word “sucks” because it is late and I am not feeling all that articulate or creative at the moment.) DW is out of town so I am also single parenting this week.
Can you flip off a feeling? If so, then I am flipping off this feeling of frustration rather than go ballistic about trying, without success, to put an 8-year-old to bed. Do you see me, you close to middle-age old woman? Ha – yes you, the one in the purple matching Ellen Tracy jammies sucking down your momma juice, the one also missing Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice because now you have a small child laying next to you in bed.
In addition to flipping off this feeling, I double salute the idiot parents with constipation of the brain, who told their bratty child with diarrhea of the mouth, that the whole world is going to end in 2012. Because of course, this child is in The Hare’s class and told my child such ridiculous information. (Thus the reason why she can’t sleep.) The tears in the hallway gave way to a torrent of information about this classmate’s prediction. The Hare couldn’t stop thinking about only having two more years to live.
“I’ll only be 10 then, and I wouldn’t have done ANYTHING!” she cried.
Oh, gawd, I’ll be almost 40 then and won’t have done ANYTHING EITHER! Thank you, thank you very much for freaking me out too. Which brings me to my next flip off – aging.
After our conversation about the world coming to an end, I couldn’t help but start feeling sorry for myself for being so close to 40. Someone told me today, “40 is the new 30”. What the hell is that suppose to mean? My butt certainly didn’t get the message, because my 30-year-old hiney didn’t connect with the back of my thighs like my almost 40-year-old hiney. And my bladder can’t make it through the night anymore. It doesn’t matter what time I go to bed, I still wake up around 2 or 3am to pee. Perhaps grey is the new black? Saggy is the new sexy?
A fabulous flip off goes to the relatively new drive-through coffee shop in town that has a theme for most days of the week. It’s obvious to me they are not selling coffee: Topless Tuesday, Bottomless Wednesday, Fantasy Friday and my most loathed, School Girl Thursday. We have to drive by that darn shack every day. How do you explain what those signs mean to an 8-year-old? And perhaps I should be flipping the girls who are okay with working in their bra tops or bikini bottoms. What are you thinking? What kind of cream are they putting in that coffee, anyway?
Ahhh, coffee. It is officially Friday and I am enjoying a tall, sugar-free Vanilla latte with skim milk…so that I can enjoy a fresh hot cinnamon donut later. We currently have a vegetarian living with us for a little while. It has been a fun challenge to come up with tasty dinners that we can all enjoy. However, I am going to have to flip-off chipotle and avocado bean burgers because either I am in labor or am having the worst gas pains ever from dinner last night. I feel sorry for the table next to me as I try to be discreet. Silent, but deadly, baby. Silent. But deadly. Eating healthy can have it’s drawbacks.
DW comes home tonight, so it is indeed a very “TGIF” friday. We will have our usual pizza and family movie night before tackling a weekend of soccer games and gymnastics. Don’t forget to check out the other Friday Flip Off’s over at MommaKiss.
See ya’ later, Alligator.