Friday Flip Offs 10/8

I make a 35-40 minute trek every Monday night to get to band practice. (Ever wonder why musicians always seem to refer to it as band “practice” but orchestra is a “rehearsal”…things that make you go hmmm). Anyway – I pass one particular billboard a dozen times. It’s hard not to miss. There’s a giant picture of a disheveled, haggard mom holding a couple of kiddos. Her hair is medusa-like, her eyes baggy, and her figure a little squishy. Looks far too familiar. And painful, but like an accident, my eyes are eerily drawn to the gigantic words:

Are you in need of a Mommy Makeover?

I find myself yelling,”Yes! Yes!” every time I drive by. I never gave it much thought, figured they were selling a spa or beauty expo. But then something different from the norm happened this Monday night. My car could only inch its way down the highway due to construction. I stared out the window, sympathizing with the tired mom on the billboard until I realized what the very tiny words at the bottom of the billboard said:

The Michigan Center for Cosmetic Surgery

Are you flippin’ kidding me? And yes, I gave this billboard the one finger salute, ragged nails and wrinkly knuckles an all. I’m sure the truck beside me thought I was going somewhat postal as I tossed everything around in the car, dug deep in my gig bag looking for a pen and paper to write this moment down. Finding a pencil was easy (after all, I was on my way to practice) but no paper. WTH? There were folders and music, but no paper. How in the world does a writer leave the house without paper?

So my second flip off this week would be to myself for being unprepared, which apparently was a theme this week. At about 6:15am this morning a tiny tinging sound woke me up. It was my phone alerting me to a new text message. My groggy eyes focused slowly on the alarm clock. As the time started to become clear, I quickly sat up in bed, “Well that’s just craptastic! My alarm didn’t wake me at 5:30am!”  The Tortoise needs to get up by 5:45 to catch the bus at 6:45. Luckily for me, the text was my neighbor saying that she was going to drive our girls to school instead today. Pick up time would be 7:20. Whew!

Speaking of things that are craptastic, another flip off goes to my low pressure toilets. I just love it when one of the kids make too large a deposit and then leaves the scene of the crime. What a special smell to greet me as I dash in to do my business, only to find that the toilet is on the verge of overflowing.

I’ve saved the biggest flip off for last – to insurance companies that look at policies and not patients. I am personally invested in this particular flip off based on how a very dear friend is being treated right now. Details are unnecessary, however, rest assured that this is no “mommy makeover” but a surgery that both doctors and hospital administration agree is immediately necessary. I am not an overly religious person, but if an army of prayers and thoughts  could be said today on my friend’s behalf, I would be forever grateful.

And don’t forget to check out the other participating Friday Flip Offs at Mommakiss. Have a craptastic weekend.


6 thoughts on “Friday Flip Offs 10/8

  1. Crap doesn’t need an invitation to our weekend, it’s already here. From the constipated old guy cat to the baby who swallowed too much pool water at swim class today we’re all full up on crap over here 😛

    Let’s also flip off OUR insurance company who is pushing my husband’s heart catheterization process back two days because our policy is crappy and they are now forcing us to wait for a day when the doctor is at a hospital instead of his cath. lab 😦

  2. oh love. insurance is a motherflucker sometimes. Sucks. fyi – next time you need to remember a number? make a ‘fake’ text or like e-mail or something from your phone. … just jot the number down. me? i take pics w/ my phone and add the ph # when I see stuff like that. AND. I had the ‘makeover. Well, the reduction was insurance-paid. the tuck? a total ‘want vs. need’ and i got a bonus at work and WELL…done. AND worth it.
    holy tmi in a comment.
    craptastic. love that word. use it whenever i can 😉

  3. Stupid insurance companies.
    The tortoise. Ha! I am always asking bratchild if she can perhaps move somewhat faster than snail pace.

  4. Bahaha, I’ve heard commercials for a cosmetic surgery clinic that uses the term “Mommy Makeover” and everytime I do I go into a fit of rage. The commercial is priceless, it starts by saying something about how you’ve had a couple kids and now your stomach just won’t go flat no matter how many situps you do and your breasts just aren’t what they used to be. Oh I’m sorry society that women bare your children and afterward no longer look like they’re 22 year old former selves. BRUTAL. I’m not a mother, but as a woman with a brain in my head it makes me SO angry. Thanks for interupting my day with a message that once I have kids I’m clearly ugly and of no use to anyone.
    End rant. Have a lovely weekend!

  5. I just discovered your Friday Flip-Off’s! Loved it! I’ll visit each Friday, just to kick off my weekends. Hope you’re having a good week and things are going well at home with the daily chaos. When do you make time to blog??

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