I make a 35-40 minute trek every Monday night to get to band practice. (Ever wonder why musicians always seem to refer to it as band “practice” but orchestra is a “rehearsal”…things that make you go hmmm). Anyway – I pass one particular billboard a dozen times. It’s hard not to miss. There’s a giant picture of a disheveled, haggard mom holding a couple of kiddos. Her hair is medusa-like, her eyes baggy, and her figure a little squishy. Looks far too familiar. And painful, but like an accident, my eyes are eerily drawn to the gigantic words:
Are you in need of a Mommy Makeover?
I find myself yelling,”Yes! Yes!” every time I drive by. I never gave it much thought, figured they were selling a spa or beauty expo. But then something different from the norm happened this Monday night. My car could only inch its way down the highway due to construction. I stared out the window, sympathizing with the tired mom on the billboard until I realized what the very tiny words at the bottom of the billboard said:
The Michigan Center for Cosmetic Surgery
Are you flippin’ kidding me? And yes, I gave this billboard the one finger salute, ragged nails and wrinkly knuckles an all. I’m sure the truck beside me thought I was going somewhat postal as I tossed everything around in the car, dug deep in my gig bag looking for a pen and paper to write this moment down. Finding a pencil was easy (after all, I was on my way to practice) but no paper. WTH? There were folders and music, but no paper. How in the world does a writer leave the house without paper?
So my second flip off this week would be to myself for being unprepared, which apparently was a theme this week. At about 6:15am this morning a tiny tinging sound woke me up. It was my phone alerting me to a new text message. My groggy eyes focused slowly on the alarm clock. As the time started to become clear, I quickly sat up in bed, “Well that’s just craptastic! My alarm didn’t wake me at 5:30am!” The Tortoise needs to get up by 5:45 to catch the bus at 6:45. Luckily for me, the text was my neighbor saying that she was going to drive our girls to school instead today. Pick up time would be 7:20. Whew!
Speaking of things that are craptastic, another flip off goes to my low pressure toilets. I just love it when one of the kids make too large a deposit and then leaves the scene of the crime. What a special smell to greet me as I dash in to do my business, only to find that the toilet is on the verge of overflowing.
I’ve saved the biggest flip off for last – to insurance companies that look at policies and not patients. I am personally invested in this particular flip off based on how a very dear friend is being treated right now. Details are unnecessary, however, rest assured that this is no “mommy makeover” but a surgery that both doctors and hospital administration agree is immediately necessary. I am not an overly religious person, but if an army of prayers and thoughts could be said today on my friend’s behalf, I would be forever grateful.
And don’t forget to check out the other participating Friday Flip Offs at Mommakiss. Have a craptastic weekend.