I’ve been reading Amy’s Blam for months now and giggling myself silly at her wisdom and humor, especially on Fridays. Friday she is part of a blog-hop called Friday Flip-Offs where she lets off some steam and finds levity in life’s less than fortunate moments. I’ve never participated before, and not because I haven’t had crap moments before, but I’m just not that funny or colorful in my verbage. In fact, writing humor for Blissfully Domestic has been somewhat of a challenge. I thought for sure when I applied for a contributor’s spot they would find me incredibly insightful and sort of a mentor mom. Writing for their parenting section or family life was what I had in mind, yet after reading my blog the editor’s came back with: humor. People do laugh near me often, or maybe they are laughing at me, but either way it usually wasn’t my intent to be funny.
So why Fip-Offs this week? Because it was a stand out week of idiots and unfortunate events that just can’t be ignored. And although I’ve never actually waved the middle-finger at anyone (other than blushing and giggling every time we would sing “Where is middle-finger Tall Man? Where is middle finger Tall Man?…Here I am. Here I am.” during pre-school music class) I can’t deny that the thought has certainly crossed my mind.
Oh – here it comes, the first flip-off…to the woman who decided to make an erratic right-hand turn from the far left lane. I hate turnabouts to begin with, people freak out and drive like a bunch of buzzing bees in a hive, swarming every which way, bumping into each other. But seriously? How hard is it to follow the arrows? If you are in the far left lane, your only choices are to turn left or to go STRAIGHT! And if someone is in the lane to your right, then they can go right or straight, but you most certainly can not cut me off and nearly take the front end of my car off because you realized too late that you were in the wrong freaking lane. It’s a turn about stupid, just keep driving around it until you can change lanes. And definitely don’t look at me with this shocked-I-can’t-believe-you-are-honking-at-me grimace.
Ahhh – that felt good.
To the sales person at Blockbuster video that forgot to remove the yellow locking thingy on our movie rental. It was such a joy to have our pizza delivered, settle in with the kids to watch Alice in Wonderland and realize that we COULDN’T! The dang box wouldn’t open. Thankfully The Tortoise is brilliant and searched pay-per-view and found it there. It would have been helpful, I suppose, if I had thought of that in the first place.
Another friendly flip-off to the next sales guy at Blockbuster when I brought the video back. The conversation went like this:
Pajama Mama: “We couldn’t watch this video because the yellow lock was still on so we ended up purchasing it on pay-per-view.”
Sales Guy: “Do you want to grab another one?”
Pajama Mama: “No I don’t want another one, I would like a different one or a credit please.”
Sales Guy: “Well, duh! That was stupid. Of course you should get a different one. Why would you think I would give you the same one if you just said you saw it on pay-per-view?”
Yeah – it was like that and I was speechless. The Tortoise was speechless. Let me tell you something stupid Sales Guy, sarcasm at the expense of someone else is never sexy.
I would also like to flip-off the service guy who checked in my car to be worked on. You kept me waiting for an hour for a shuttle-ride home! Then I had to come find you to find out what the hold-up was because not one time did you bother to check to see if I had been taken home. And your response was classic customer service: “Yeah, I was wondering where the shuttle bus was too.” Really? When were you wondering? 20 minutes later? 30 minutes later? Don’t you think it would have been prudent to find out why the shuttle had not come back for me yet or let me know you were working on it? An hour of my life I can’t get back.
And speaking of hours of my life wasted – a big frustrated flip-off to Curriculum Night. No offense to the teachers, I know that you are required to host these stupid things, but why? We sat for an hour listening to all the things that ARE NOT ready yet and can be picked up at next week’s Open House. The class field-trip schedule? Not firmed up yet. The class expectations and grade requirements? Still being typed. Description of what is going to be taught this year? Was already sent home in the backpacks that day. The teacher wish-list items? Still being compiled. Plus the fact that all three teachers presented and each had different class-room procedures. Wouldn’t it have been better to just let each set of parents meet with their child’s teacher? Do I really need to know what little Miss Suzy’s teacher’s expectations are when I’m not in your class?
Last, but certainly not least, a giant flip-off to my inability to manage my time better so far this school year. I am working on day two with no shower and the future does not look good. I’ve sacrificed personal hygiene to write this post today because once we hit the pavement at 8:45am I will not be able to stop. So just deal with the smell people, and yes I am wearing a baseball cap AGAIN! And these are most definitely sweat pants and tennis shoes even though I am not going to the gym today. But we will have groceries, a clean house, laundry folded, and errands done all before our out-of-town guest arrives this afternoon.
So thank you Amy Blam for this great idea. Giving phantom flip-offs is good for my waist-line. Although not as tasty as a bag of Salt and Vinegar Chips or as mind-numbing as Mike’s Hard Lemonade. But I must say there is a small feeling of euphoria. I look forward to any readers participating – just post in my comments, link back to Momma Kiss (who appears to have started this whole mess) and release some pent-up frustration before you explode.