You Know You’re a Real Mom When…

1. you’ve used breast-milk as creamer in your coffee.

2. you’ve re-washed a load of your husband’s shirts so that you don’t have to iron them after you forgot to take them out of the dryer.

3. the inside of your t-shirt can double as a snot rag for a runny-nosed toddler.

4. smelling butts to determine if a diaper change is necessary seems normal.

5. catching vomit in your hands is a natural reflex.

6. getting a shower is a luxury not a daily activity.

7. the smell of pine-sol acts as an aphrodisiac.

8. seducing your husband just requires you to be awake and naked…(sometimes just naked).

9. girls’ night out is meeting a friend at the grocery store after the kids go to bed.

10. your kids own more pairs of shoes than you do.

11. you’ve used your earring post as a toothpick in the lady’s restroom in an emergency.

12. you realize the cashier wasn’t checking you out because you’re so cute, it was because you forgot to put a bra on and your mammoth post-nursing nipples are poking through your shirt.

13. shaving your legs seems like a waste of time (refer back to #8).

14. you start to crave Kraft Macaroni & Cheese.

15. you own what you refer to as your “nice” tennis shoes and your “dressy” jogging suit (even though you don’t run).

16. you know all the words to the sound-track of Highschool Musical…one, two and three.

17. you carry crayons in your purse instead of lip gloss.

18. you start holding grudges against 12-year-old little girls for breaking your daughter’s heart.

19. you have the pizza delivery guy on speed-dial.

20. the definition of “dry-cleaning” is throwing a shirt in the dryer with a dryer-sheet just to mask the stank long enough to get one more wear out of it before laundry day.

3 thoughts on “You Know You’re a Real Mom When…

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