How would you respond? or Forgive me, I am only human.

“The world is aching for more positive and intentional thoughts…”

That is a quote I just pulled off the “Purpose” button from The Intentional Sage WordPress blog. It struck me as somewhat ironic after their double-edged comment on my post yesterday:

“Hopefully my life, ten years from now, will look exactly the same.”

Great point! I assume you’re taking into account the principle of dynamism and that the only surefire thing in life is change and thusly, static is equal to what some may call ‘death.’ 😛

Nonetheless, an all-around great post. I’m sure it’s a welcomed breath of fresh air to all of the “wishing” done in many of the posts you referred to.

With Love and Gratitude,

The Intentional Sage

Yes, I am not naive to think that I can stop life’s inevitable changes in the next ten years. There will be disappointment and pain mixed in with the joy. There will always be things we wish we could change, but my hope is that I will not dwell on those things. My hope is that my perspective about what is really important in life will stay the same. I will be older and my children will need me less. Family members may leave us, and friends may move away. But I want to hang on to the things that matter most – I want to take stock in myself – I want to be the person I want to be and change the things around me that I can…for the better. Everyday.

I was shocked to see that my little post hit Freshly Pressed. This was meant to be a simple writing “assignment” spurred on by a random writing prompt. The only audience I really had in mind was myself and the end result was of contentment. Then why – after dozens and dozens of wonderfully encouraging comments did I dwell on the three that were less than flattering?

I could blame it on being a girl. After all, we are overly dramatic creatures at the most inopportune moments. Our emotions drive out reasoning many times, in spite of our most valiant efforts.

There is a simple explanation really – a confession of sorts – I am human.

After reading the three scrambled comments, I contemplated deleting them.

“Who would ever know?” I asked myself. “It’s my blog – I have complete authority over what gets posted!”

But is that really honest? Isn’t the whole point of allowing comments to learn from others’ perspectives? No one said anything that devastating, crude or mean. And yet, I felt a twinge of almost remorse that I hadn’t explained myself more clearly to even one reader among 1000’s.

Here is what Annette said:

Would you say that a few years back when you were a single mom, trying to get through school, sorting your monthly envelopes that your future wish list would mirror those that seemed “lonely?” Back then would you project that you would want that moment and time to, “stay the same?”

Life is progressive.

Growth is the most natural transformation that develops the essence of our life.

I loved that your own story shows growth. That you’ve evolved from point A in your life to point B. You’re now married, have your own roof over your head and not your parents…

I find this writing exercise interesting.

If, after 10 year, everything were to stay the same, I would see that as depressing.

Sure, the same husband, the same great home, the same great gifts from God, but what about 10 years worth of learning, stretching ourselves to develop our talents, change roles from a mother into a grandmother? A wife into a 20 year, anniversary celebrating wife?

You’re right on so many levels and your story rings true and offers optimism…But a decade of the same still needs experience, enhancement and empowerment for growth.

Thanks for sharing 🙂

There is no doubt that when I was in the midst of the drama that I did not want it to stay the same. But what I wanted to change was me, and not really the situation. As long as I kept making the same stupid mistakes, kept believing so little of myself, and relied on someone else to take care of me, then there was no hope for my future to change. The point I was trying to make was that my personal opinion needed to change in order to allow growth and empowerment to begin. I was recognizing that wonderful changes had indeed already occurred in just 10 short years, and it was hard to imagine that there could be anything else necessary to change.

You are right, change is inevitable. And change can be good. I would be the last one to discount that reality. But who I am today, at the very core, hopefully will not change. I do not want to go backwards in my thought processes and become bitter, selfish and fearful again. Somethings should not change, and having a vision of happiness in life is not one of them.

This last comment from May is the only comment that really sounded offended:

There is nothing “wrong” with feeling lonely or with loneliness. Give it ten years after your ten years and just maybe you’ll get some idea of what you do not know or have yet to feel. Just Let It Be. You have no choice anyway. We’re just human. All the best with DW.

This just made me sad really. I don’t believe at any time that I implied that there was anything wrong with feeling lonely. The emotion itself is natural and human. But when it consumes you, it is not healthy. There are two kinds of “loneliness” I think. There is the blinding loneliness that destroys your spirit. It justifies unacceptable behavior so that you start thinking that being with anyone is better than no one. This kind of loneliness cripples you and keeps you from enjoying your life.

Then there is the kind of loneliness that is just an emptiness waiting to be filled. You are content with your life, but you want to be able to share it with someone else. This emotion does not consume you, although at times it is more painful than others.

I still feel loneliness.

I miss the kids when they are at school all day. I sorely miss my golden retriever Chelsea. I miss living near my parents and brothers. I miss my Aunt that passed away and I miss my childhood friend who committed suicide when we were in college. But I am not consumed by this emotion. I experience it and use it to remember how much love I had for these wonderful moments and people. They added so much to my life.

I could whine about my baggage and go into great detail about how my life has been touched in some way by an eating disorder, suicide, cancer, child abuse, bankrupcy, or infidelity. I could point out all the things that I have experienced to some how “prove” to you that I do fully understand real pain. Both physically and emotionally. But that is all in the past. Every emotion, every experience makes us the person we are and molds our frame of mind.

The past makes me appreciate my present more and my present makes me not fear the future.

So, my fellow bloggers…how do you respond to your unnerving comments?

Perhaps the first response I should have is gratefulness. I am grateful that so many people read my post. It was also extremely encouraging to read so many wonderful and supportive comments tonight.

For that – I am truly thankful.

My second response is to those readers who may have seen me as unsympathetic, that was not my intent and for that – I hope you find the encouragement that you seek. Good luck with your blogs.

9 thoughts on “How would you respond? or Forgive me, I am only human.

  1. I think that intent is one of the hardest things to convey in a blog. The fact that we post often(ish) means that we only proof read/edit to a certain point, then we ‘publish’. I feel that in order to stay true to the medium as a journal of sorts, you just say what you need to in the moment – in whatever voice you have in that moment – then release it.

    I’ve often found that I didn’t necessarily get to the point that I wanted to make, or convey the message that I started out with, but the post always manages to show where I am at the time.

    I’m resisting the urge to go back and edit them all… just let it be.

  2. I was as intrigued by the variety of responses to your last post as I was about the post itself. I find it so challenging to convey the same meaning (or even just my meaning) to EVERY person who reads what I write down, but it is impossible. No one person reads the same passage the same as the next. We read with our own lenses, our own experiences, our own emotions, and misreading is a reality. You have a valuable message, and staying true to it for yourself, is the best you can do. I don’t get a bazillion comments 🙂 so I have not had to navigate the negativity, but when we put ourselves out there, we open ourselves up to such vulnerability. Print out and hang on to the positive comments!

    1. I have been fortunate to NOT have much negativity. You are so right about vulnerability – we take that risk by being so public. I worry all the time about how people will perceive me through words – but now that writing has become more constant, I couldn’t imagine my life without it. Thank you so much!

  3. Interesting commentary from people who pretty much agree with each other 🙂

    An image comes to mind, one of having someone I worked with a few years ago ask how work was, and I replied the same, when in fact there had been nearly a total staff change, but that was forgotten in the basic flow of how the days go along. We were both surprised at how much things stay the same despite major changes.

    Like you, if I can hang on to the satisfaction I have in my soul, change is not a problem – even welcome. It is mostly due to the many changes in my life that I can feel such satisfaction.

    I’m enjoying your posts – keep it up!

    1. It is amazing how little we notice change when our heart is content, isn’t it? I see my children everyday and yet it takes a family member’s new sight during vacation to point out how much they have grown! Thank you.

  4. Well said, Emi…..keep up the fantastic posts. I look forward to reading them and they inspire me to be a better person as well….

    There are very few times in our lives when people touch us….those moments are precious and should inspire each and every one of us to strive to be that way with others. Since high school….you have been one of those people for me. I take inspiration in your words…in your feelings…in your emotions…raw as they may or may not be. And for that I thank you…..eternally!

    Love ya’!!!!!! – Mia

  5. Hi there, I’m somehow new to blogging. I’ve found your beautifully designed blog accidentally and found out you’re a literature major as well. Wow! I’d learn a lot by your page. Cheers.

  6. First off, I think I should apologize for not being clearer in what I was saying. I suppose that’s a little ironic considering what you quoted from my ‘purpose’ page, lol.
    Second, my comments were not intended the way that it seems you received them, which can sometimes be the case when communicating over the internet. :-\
    Third, the things you wrote just now in response to what you felt that I was saying was what I WAS reading as sub-text in what you were saying. I got that you didn’t expect your life to go exactly as planned over the next 10 years and that there would be pain mixed with joy. My first sentence about dynamism, static, etc. was meant more as comedy and that’s why I put a smiley face at the end : – D, but in looking at it once it takes it’s image-form, is a little less smiley and a little more intimidating.

    Lastly… when I said: “I’m sure it’s a welcomed breath of fresh air to all of the ‘wishing.'”

    I wasn’t referring to all the wishing you may or may not have done, but the proverbial wishing done by those who think that they don’t already have what they really want.

    You seemed to say it so well, here: “I want to hang on to the things that matter most – I want to take stock in myself – I want to be the person I want to be and change the things around me that I can…for the better.”

    This is beautiful. Again, I am deeply sorry if I wasn’t as precise as I needed to be and caused you a bit of harm.


    However, I will point out one last thing before I leave this response here. Maybe this was supposed to happen, eh? Maybe my comment was supposed to be misinterpreted so I could further explain myself here. Maybe there were other people who read what I wrote and didn’t interpret it the same way. That last maybe was not intended to cause you a further neuroses, lol, no. But instead, to maybe illuminate the possibility that, the only thing that one has complete control over, is perception. If you perceived my comments as negative, then they are. If you perceived them as positive, then they are. 🙂

    With Love and Gratitude,

    The Intentional Sage

    1. Haha – yes, I am laughing. And why not? I wrote this post sometime between 12:30 and 1am this morning. I’m sure if I had waited to post today that I would have seen how childish my feelings were reacting. But thank you for responding – again! You are right, the internet is a hard communicator at times. There is so much of the person that we “miss”. Good luck to you.

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