Real Moms Don’t Wear Victoria’s Secret

It struck me today that I am doing this blog thing all backwards. I’m not sure why I have been writing so late at night when I have almost the whole day to sit in my quiet house, with no distractions, listen to uncensored music and write. No – for some reason I prefered waiting until after dinner when the dog, the kids and the spouse are rummaging around the house and the dishes are taunting me wondering if they can dry like quikcrete before I actually start putting them in the dishwasher. Sigh. Maybe it is the fact that I just couldn’t justify pouring a glass of wine in the middle of the day.

Today I chuckled at myself thinking about how different married women approach sex then unmarried women. When my girlfriends and I were dating, we took an absurd amount of time getting ready for a date. It was an all day event – I don’t think men realize how much thought we put into that evening. It starts with a manicure and pedicure. Then of course there is the long shower so that we can properly condition our hair, put on a steam mask, use that expensive shower gel and exfoliation that match our perfume, and shave all necessary parts (because you just never know what to expect and you don’t want to be caught off guard). Then begins the fashion show in front of the mirror. If I was lucky, a friend would come over and supervise the process as I tried on half the closet…twice. If I was REALLY lucky I would have had time to go buy a new outfit the day before. Last, but not least, the hair and make-up would commence based upon the outfit chosen. And of course the most obvious challenge was figuring out which purse to carry, especially if you didn’t know where you were going or how the evening was going to turn out. How in the world would you know what to bring? Phone, lipstick…after hours necessities? Yes – it was an all day event.

Not that it isn’t an all day event now that I’m married. The focus is just a little bit different. Now it starts with making the decision early enough in the day so that you can prepare mentally for the evening’s festivities. Then comes the physical preparation…for me it always starts in the bathroom – it has to be spotless! There is no way to “get down to business” in a dirty house, let alone a dirty master bedroom. The toilets and sinks get scrubbed, the floors get mopped, the furniture is dusted, the carpets are vacuumed and the sheets are changed. If I’m feeling really amorous then the rest of the house gets the same royal treatment before I start preparing a sumptuous meal complete with candles and a bottle of wine. One of the best pieces of advice that my mother gave me about preserving a happy marriage was “Sometimes in marriage there are times that you just have to make yourself want it…and when you don’t, wine helps.” But of course by now there is no time left to shower or shave…so you just hope for the best, sniff the pits, be thankful none of your nails are broken, grab whatever clean jammies are available and wear knee socks so no-one gets scratched.

Gotta love the winter.

3 thoughts on “Real Moms Don’t Wear Victoria’s Secret

  1. Em – never, never, never, ever have I laughed so hard. First at all the things I didn’t do when I was dating (poor Phil) and now the things I don’t do as a wife. I guess I will go have sex, despite the fact that my toilet hasn’t been cleaned in 2 days. LOL!!!

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