We have officially reached the “stinky” part of raising a preteen girl. It’s a constant battle of deodorant and clean underwear at our house. The Hare is in denial that she smells like corn chips most of the time, or else, she just likes smelling like Fritos. I don’t know. Regardless, I’m getting a little fed up with how little she values a hot shower.
“Sweetie, you don’t want to be known as the smelly kid, do you?” I pleaded with her once, “because kids can be really mean and say hurtful things in school when you stand out in a bad way.”
“I guess it’s a good thing I’m home schooled then,” she replied.
The bathroom cabinet is filled with an abundant array of shower gels, body washes and shampoos in the hopes that something, anything, will lure her into the sweet steamy mist. For a short while, I thought maybe bubble baths would be our saving grace. Until I realized she was only sitting in them long enough to play with her toys. The fact that her hair was completely dry the last time she came out of the tub was a dead giveaway.
“Um, why isn’t your hair wet?” I asked.
“Because I didn’t wash it,” she answered.
“You’re supposed to wash your hair when you wash your body,” I said.
“Well, I didn’t wash my body either. I just soaked,” she replied.
The only days that don’t end in a battle over hygiene are gymnastics days, because she comes home sweaty and hair full of foam from the pit. But that only takes care of about three days a week, leaving the rest of us to suffer in her presence the other four.
I’ve thought about giving her bathing bucks, sort of like how she has earned book bucks for time spent reading.
Two nights ago, I just couldn’t take it anymore.
“That’s it!” I said sternly, “This is not a suggestion. This is an order. Go take a shower right now!”
“But Mom, can’t I…”
“No, you can’t!” I said quickly, “You will get in that shower, and you will use soap and shampoo and you will wash every last part of your body and when you are done, I AM GOING TO SMELL ALL OF YOUR PARTS to be sure you’re really clean!”
The Hare’s eyes grew wide.
“ALL of my parts?” she asked with a smirk.
DW and The Hare stifled a giggle while clearing the table.
“Well, just the appropriate parts,” I answered.
The Hare turned to walk up the stairs, laughing and talking to herself.
“I’ve heard of kissing butt, but never smelling butt!” she said.