This is my life

Three rubber ducks in foam bath

Three rubber ducks in foam bath (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We have officially reached the “stinky” part of raising a preteen girl. It’s a constant battle of deodorant and clean underwear at our house. The Hare is in denial that she smells like corn chips most of the time, or else, she just likes smelling like Fritos. I don’t know. Regardless, I’m getting a little fed up with how little she values a hot shower.

“Sweetie, you don’t want to be known as the smelly kid, do you?” I pleaded with her once, “because kids can be really mean and say hurtful things in school when you stand out in a bad way.”

“I guess it’s a good thing I’m home schooled then,” she replied.

The bathroom cabinet is filled with an abundant array of shower gels, body washes and shampoos in the hopes that something, anything, will lure her into the sweet steamy mist. For a short while, I thought maybe bubble baths would be our saving grace. Until I realized she was only sitting in them long enough to play with her toys. The fact that her hair was completely dry the last time she came out of the tub was a dead giveaway.

“Um, why isn’t your hair wet?” I asked.

“Because I didn’t wash it,” she answered.

“You’re supposed to wash your hair when you wash your body,” I said.

“Well, I didn’t wash my body either. I just soaked,” she replied.

The only days that don’t end in a battle over hygiene are gymnastics days, because she comes home sweaty and hair full of foam from the pit. But that only takes care of about three days a week, leaving the rest of us to suffer in her presence the other four.

I’ve thought about giving her bathing bucks, sort of like how she has earned book bucks for time spent reading.

Two nights ago, I just couldn’t take it anymore.

“That’s it!” I said sternly, “This is not a suggestion. This is an order. Go take a shower right now!”

“But Mom, can’t I…”

“No, you can’t!” I said quickly, “You will get in that shower, and you will use soap and shampoo and you will wash every last part of your body and when you are done, I AM GOING TO SMELL ALL OF YOUR PARTS to be sure you’re really clean!”

The Hare’s eyes grew wide.

ALL of my parts?” she asked with a smirk.

DW and The Hare stifled a giggle while clearing the table.

“Well, just the appropriate parts,” I answered.

The Hare turned to walk up the stairs, laughing and talking to herself.

“I’ve heard of kissing butt, but never smelling butt!” she said.

Inspired by the Daily Prompt: This is Your Life

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About My Pajama Days

I am Emily Okaty Wilson, freelance writer, blogger and public speaker. It sounds better than saying I stay in my pajamas all day eating salt and vinegar chips. I claim to be a wife, a mother, a homeschool teacher and a musician. Sometimes I'm funny.
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16 Responses to This is my life

  1. Aprille says:

    ROFL! this is hilarious!!!

  2. Coming East says:

    I think I changed my mind about sleeping with her when I come.

  3. Reblogged this on thewordpressghost and commented:
    I have NEVER liked to stink.

    And I am a MAN.

    My mom took me to the doctor because I washed my hands when I got dirty.

    But, we have a mother trying to get her teenager (pre-teen?) to stay clean.

    Is there a reason why some people enjoy dirty and others do not?

    ghost.

  4. Pingback: Daily Prompt: This Is Your Life « KnowledgeKnut

  5. marymtf says:

    You’re definitely funny. ps. the key words are preteen. I suggest you don’t make a deal out of it. You’ll notice a change as soon as puberty hits. Till then, the best of luck.

  6. Pingback: IT’S ALL ABOUT ME – AGAIN « hastywords

  7. I always loved showers/baths. I was an issue b/c I would suck all of the hot water.

    You just can’t win, really. :)

    My three year old is going through a phase where she doesn’t like baths anymore (which is used to love) and trying to attempt one results in a meltdown. But sometimes showers work. Which is already hitting the exorbitant water bill.

  8. Miriam Joy says:

    Mental — I was never like that! Well, occasionally in the holidays I’ll get to the point where I don’t shower a couple of days, mainly because I get distracted and it’s 1am before it occurs to me, but hey, that’s what 48-hour deodorant is for ;)

  9. angelfrouk says:

    Hahaha. Great post. Can’t you force her by taking away a toy (pc, phone) when she doesn’t shower? Or bribe her with something to get her to shower?
    Note that I’m no expert on children, so I don’t have a clue if it would work or not.

  10. It boggles my mind that my son takes more showers than my daughter. He seems to have inherited my extreme sensitivity to smells, however, so maybe it’s just that he more readily stinks himself out than she does. While I’m glad she’s not obsessed with her appearance, it would be nice if she’d give a thought to the, um, atmosphere she carries about with her. Oh, the drama!

  11. Ah, I remember the corn chip days (or more accurately, years). My daughter is 13-years old and rather than threatening her with bodily harm to get INTO the shower, now I can’t seem to get her OUT of the shower. Which is better for everyone’s noses, but hell on the water bill :)

    Hang in there…. and perhaps purchase nose plugs.

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