I am really tired of your snarky “thank goodness it’s Friday” comments, because quite frankly, I don’t think you’re all that. In fact, I find you quite the bully, always taunting me with the promise of a full week of productivity. Do you really think four days are enough to prepare for a weekend of kid activities and family commitments? You are s0 annoying and narcissistic. All you think about is yourself, rushing past all the other days of the week, pushing them aside. Was it necessary to trick Wednesday and Thursday to go back to bed? Because, really, where else did they go? Somewhere between Monday and today the house imploded, the dumb room mom forgot to secure all the treats for this Monday’s class Valentine party (yes, I am the room mom) , Luna puppy became covered in knotted masses of hair that were impossible to untangle and had to be cut out (she looks ridiculous by the way), and an enormous stack of deadlines emerged. And when were you going to tell me about all of this grey hair that showed up suddenly today? I’m only 37 years old for goodness sake!
Well let me tell you something, Friday. You will not break me. I will forgive the stupid woman talking on the phone while leaving the school parking lot and decided to turn left from the right hand lane, nearly taking off my front end. I will ignore the wailing and dry heaving from The Hare last night when I made her take 3 bites of hamburger. I will take a deep breath before speaking with The Tortoise about her stinky, over flowing laundry basket that hasn’t been touched in well over a week. I will pay more attention when letting Luna puppy back inside so as not to miss a wad of poop stuck to her butt, hidden underneath her mass amounts of hair (she is getting a puppy cut on Wednesday). There will be no more embarrassment about having to get measured in my bra and panties unexpectedly for a bridesmaid dress and just be thankful that I had on decent underwear that covered most of my assets. (However, I am quite sure the bridal consultant is still recovering from my blinding whiteness. And who shaves anything in the middle of the winter any way? Sadly, knee-socks only cover so much.)
Friday, you can chuckle all you want at my expense, but I assure you I will have the last laugh.
Tomorrow, is Saturday.
Your least fan
P.S. I know you are in cahoots with Mother Nature. It wasn’t funny slipping on a frozen driveway and scraping my leg against the car door, ripping one of my favorite yoga pants. And don’t think that I won’t retaliate either, so watch your back.
P.P.S. In case you weren’t sure. I just flipped you off today.